Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects?
Expression of oneself through
art
such
as music, dance etc. is considered an essential part of being a well-rounded individual. Although
it is important that art
should be incorporated as a part of the school curriculum for children
, it should not replace other subjects
being taught in schools. This
essay partially agrees that art
should be taught to school children
and would discuss reasons it should not supercede
the tutoring of other equally important areas of study.
Correct your spelling
supersede
Art
provides a medium for youngsters to express their feelings that otherwise
cannot be demonstrated through words. Creative activities such
as music, dance, music, drawing etc. could result in children
that
would grow up to be well-balanced adults. Correct pronoun usage
who
For instance
, children
with learning disability could be able to draw or paint their emotions for their teachers, parents and other individuals, which would potentially decrease the gap between the able and the non-able people.
Nevertheless
, teaching children
about art
as well as
the expression of oneself should not impede the tutoring of other school subjects
. Schoolboys and girls also
need to be coached in other area
including but not limited to Change the wording
another area
other areas
arithemetic
and linguistics because it would prepare them for life later on. Correct your spelling
arithmetic
Furthermore
, kids that
aren't interested in Correct pronoun usage
who
art
could be fascinated by other subjects
and should not be denied the chance to explore all subjects
. I believe in the importance of creativity and expression through art
and craft, however
it should not solely be concentrated so as to raise Add a comma
however,
children
that as equally emotionally and logically intelligent.
To conclude
, the importance of art
in the life of younglings cannot be argued, however
balancing the teaching of art
with other subjects
is more important as this
could potentially increase the emotional, logical and social quotients which would in turn
create Add the comma(s)
, in turn,
well adjusted
and emotionally stable adults.Add a hyphen
well-adjusted
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a discernible introduction and conclusion, which contributes positively to the coherence and cohesion of your writing. However, to improve, it is essential to focus more on connecting sentences and paragraphs to create a smoother flow. This can be achieved through the use of cohesive devices and transitions that link ideas and concepts throughout your essay.
task achievement
While your essay addresses the task, the response seems to partially deviate from the prompt questions toward the end. Remember to stay focused on the topic by consistently addressing the questions 'Do you think it is important for children to be taught art?' and 'Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects?' throughout the essay. To improve task achievement, ensure that your argument is directly aligned with the questions asked, and that you provide a more balanced discussion along with relevant examples to substantiate your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?