Young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #robbery #attack #adults

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There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that it will be the responsibility of the young to be punished at the mature people’s level if they commit some felony,

such

as robbery or violent acts. I would contend that I partially have a consensus with

this

conception. Without a shadow of a doubt, it is certainly essential for people who are at the

age

of 18 or more to be accountable for their serious wicked acts as ordinary adults.

This

due to

the fact that at

this

age

, they had enough consciousness of their alarming actions which bring a negative or even lethal effect on individuals and their society.

Therefore

, a strong sentence at

this

time is an appropriate and timely tactic in order to help them return to a proper life in the long run.

For example

according to

Vietnamese legislation, over 17-year-old perpetrators who commit

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

such

as sexual assault or

murdering

Replace the word

murder

show examples

have to be put behind

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

bars

Change preposition

for

show examples

an equivalent period of time.

Thus

, punishing offenders from 18 years old as adults plays as an embodiment of justice and fairness in society.

While

the necessity of punishment at

this

age

is widely acknowledged, adolescents and

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

should be put on a looser penalty for their thoughtless actions.

Since an

Change preposition

show examples

awareness

that is

not yet fully developed or

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

innocent carelessness makes teenagers and kids

convict

Wrong verb form

convicted

show examples

illegal

Change preposition

of illegal

show examples

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

regardless of the pressing consequences being the reason why their

punishment’s

Change noun form

punishment

show examples

level needs to be reduced.

For instance

, with respect to

this

age

group, reformatories built by

Vietnamese’s

Change noun form

Vietnamese

show examples

authority

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

still the optimal method for them to rehabilitate and improve their morality

instead

of sending them to jail.

Hence

, it is more suitable that criminals under 18 years old suffer from a looser punishment than mature people. In conclusion, having a heavy reliance on

age

, the youngest should have a liability for their urgent action with parallel punishments.

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coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear and logical structure is maintained throughout the essay. While you had a structured approach, there were moments where ideas could have been sequenced more effectively for a stronger argument. Aim for strong topic sentences and clear paragraph transitions to enhance logical flow.

coherence cohesion

Work on the presentation of introduction and conclusion. Ensure that they effectively summarize your points and provide a clear position for your argument. The introduction should more explicitly state your thesis, and the conclusion should summarize your argument without introducing new information.

coherence cohesion

Support main points with more relevant details and examples. While you have provided a general explanation, the essay lacked specificity. Citing concrete examples or adding more precise information would strengthen your argument and better illustrate your points.

task achievement

Address the essay prompt comprehensively. While you partially covered the question posed by the essay topic, it would benefit from a more complete response. Fully explore the implications and counterarguments to your position in order to provide a well-rounded discussion on the subject.

task achievement

Develop ideas comprehensively for maximum clarity. Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea and that this idea is fully fleshed out. Avoid general statements and focus on clear, concise, and comprehensive exposition of your opinions.

task achievement

Include relevant and specific examples to support your statements. Your essay should have solid grounding in reality through the use of specific examples, data, or case studies, which could significantly strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

325 words

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Young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

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Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Art classes such as painting drawing, are one important a child's developement as other subjects, so it should be compulosry in igh schools. To what extent to do agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicine and treatment instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is positive or a negative development?