In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to slove them?
Nowadays, obesity is the most
underratted
issue Correct your spelling
underrated
among
the world. Change preposition
in
A
few nations Change preposition
In a
people
's common measurement
are increased but Fix the agreement mistake
measurements
their's
health and fitness are reduced dramatically. Depression and modern lifestyle can cause Change noun form
their
this
sistuation
; awareness and socialising are the best solutions for Correct your spelling
situation
this
negative trend. This
essay will discuss it briefly for the following reasons.
There are some main reasons for people
are getting more weight. Depression play
a crucial role for Change the verb form
plays
people
are
being Correct pronoun usage
who are
obesed
; nowadays all Correct your spelling
obsessed
abused
obese
people
are getting stress
from their's workplace Wrong verb form
stressed
as well as
personal
life, that time they eat frequently to distract their's problem, Correct pronoun usage
their personal
as a
consequence
they are getting Add a comma
consequence,
over weight
. Another main reason is that living a modern lifestyle, at present both parents are working parents, Correct your spelling
overweight
hence
, they do not have time for cooking at home, therefore
, they buy foods
through hotels; Fix the agreement mistake
food
hotels
food is not healthy, Fix the agreement mistake
Hotel
as
a result, they are getting more weight. Correct word choice
and as
For instance
, the USA folks depend
McDonalds and petrol stations for their's breakfast.
There are some possible solutions Add the preposition
depend on
can
solve Correct pronoun usage
that can
this
adverse trend among the
some nations. The Remove the article
apply
authority
should Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
be created
more awareness towards Wrong verb form
create
their's
citizens which is how importance of Change noun form
their
the
gym activities Correct article usage
apply
as well as
small physical exercise
at their Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
home
in order to they can be fit and Fix the agreement mistake
homes
obesity
ratio will be reduced. Correct article usage
the obesity
For example
, Indian
government conducts more physical fitness Correct article usage
the Indian
competations
for Correct your spelling
competitions
computations
their's
residents. Another remedy is that Change noun form
their
people
should be more socialising to
each other Change preposition
with
instead
of sitting at home to use
mobile phones and watching movies Change the verb form
using
while
eating junk foods
.
In conclusion, being Fix the agreement mistake
food
obessive
is the main problem for the nations; depression and Correct your spelling
obese
busy
lifestyle can cause Correct article usage
a busy
this situations
; creating awareness about importance of the fitness and Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
being
socialising is the possible Unnecessary verb
apply
solutions
for Fix the agreement mistake
solution
this
adverse trend. Common folks and the government both should be solved by
together.Change preposition
apply
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coherence cohesion
You have provided a structure to the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is important for coherence and cohesion. However, the logical flow between ideas can be improved for better readability and cohesion. Transitions could be more smoothly integrated between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more explicitly crafted to reflect a clear response to the essay prompt. The introduction should more clearly outline the forthcoming discussion, and the conclusion should summarily reflect on the causes and solutions for the issues discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay does include main points to support your arguments, yet these could be further developed and backed with more precise examples, rather than general or hypothetical cases. Aim to provide concrete evidence and details that strengthen the argument.
task achievement
It appears that you have attempted to cover the task by identifying causes and suggesting measures, but your response lacks detail and depth. You should endeavor to fully address all parts of the prompt with comprehensive ideas and well-thought-out solutions.
task achievement
You should work on conveying your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Some sentences are difficult to understand, which detracts from the effectiveness of the ideas presented. Clarity in writing can be achieved by using simpler, more precise language and ensuring that each sentence clearly conveys a single idea.
task achievement
The examples you used to illustrate the causes of the issues mentioned are somewhat relevant to the topic. To strengthen your task achievement, incorporate specific, real-world examples that are clearly connected to the issues of increasing weight and decreasing health and fitness levels.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?