IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Learning at university would be more effective if men and women were educated separetely. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that university studies would be more effective if
men
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 and
women
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 were educated separately. The following essay takes a look at both sides of the argument. On the one hand, if
women
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 and
men
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study
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 together, the number of students will increase. Obviously, where there are many, there will be competition. Indeed, where there is competition, there will be growth. It will be easier to understand the topics if they
study
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 together.
Then
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 they master the subjects well and perfectly because they are ashamed of each other.
As a result
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, both
men
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 and
women
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 learn equally. One does not have too much or too little knowledge. In the meantime, they are not discriminated against because of their knowledge. Because both
men
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 and
women
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 have learned the same. Naturally, they
they
Remove the redundancy
apply
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understand each other's character well.
Thus
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, in the future, even when they build a family, the war will
live
Verb problem
continue
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 without quarrels.
Similarly
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, Alhamdulillah, we are Muslims. We should act like a believer. In our religion, an unmarried man and woman cannot walk together, work, or even
study
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 together. Learning is obligatory for every man and woman.
Moreover
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, it is appropriate to divide
men
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 and
women
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 in the education system.
However
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, in the most prestigious universities in the world, separate education is preferred. In all universities,
women
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 and
men
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study
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 together. But I believe that one day
men
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 and
women
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 will
study
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 separately and it will pay off. In conclusion, We should not think of the present world, but the hereafter. Because
this
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 world is transitory. Based on
this
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, we should be faithful to our religion and arrange for
men
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 and
women
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 to
study
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 separately. It definitely pays off.

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in task response, ensure that you fully address the prompt by presenting a clear position throughout the essay and sufficiently developing your arguments with specific evidence and examples. Avoid introducing new ideas into the conclusion that have not been fully explored in the body paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay would benefit from a more logical structure. Work on organizing your ideas into clear and distinct paragraphs and use cohesive devices appropriately to create a flow within and between paragraphs. Be careful with punctuation and avoid run-on sentences to enhance readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • single-gender education
  • coeducational
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • social dynamics
  • learning styles
  • cognitive differences
  • participation rates
  • diverse workplaces
  • educational outcomes
  • psychological implications
  • empirical evidence
  • inclusivity
  • reinforcement of gender roles
  • gender-segregated
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