IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket ( S ) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket ( S ) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.
#town #garlsdon #supermarket #two #sites
The map of
Garlsdon
 shows 2 possible planned sites
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a new
supermarket
,
Overall
,
Garlsdon
Correct your spelling
Carlson
boarders
Correct your spelling
borders
show examples
 other towns:
Hindon
 in the
north west
Correct your spelling
northwest
show examples
; Bransdon in the
south west
Correct your spelling
southwest
show examples
; and Cransdon in the
south east
Correct your spelling
southeast
show examples
.
Site
 1 is close to
Hindon
, and
Site
 2 is close to the other 2 towns. It is obvious that
site
Correct article usage
the site
show examples
 may serve
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population
 of
Garlsdon
Garlsdon
 has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
population
 of 65,000 living in the housing area that surrounds the
town
centre
.
Although
 there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic zone in the
centre
, the
town
 can be accessed with a railway and 3 main roads, connecting the
town
 with
Hindon
, Bransdon, and Cranston.
Also
, The
town
 has
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrial sites in the north and south; which are surrounded by the countryside. For the possible
site
 1, the
supermarket
 would be founded in the countryside in the
north west
Correct your spelling
northwest
show examples
, which is 12 km to
Hindon
 with 10,000 of
population
. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a railway and a main road that help the
supermarket
 become accessible for people of these 2 towns.
On the contrary
,
site
 2 of the
supermarket
 would be in the city
centre
 where the traffic is prohibited.
Nonetheless
, the
supermarket
 can be reached via a railway and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 3 main roads coming into the
centre
.
Moreover
,
this
site
 may serve more locals living in the city and housing area of
Garlsdon
as well as
15,000
Correct article usage
the 15,000
show examples
population
 of Brandon (16 km away)and 29,000
population
 of Cranston (35 km away).
Submitted by dondollaraus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words garlsdon, supermarket, hindon, site, population, town, centre with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: