The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket ( S ) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket ( S ) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.
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The map of
Garlsdon
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shows 2 possible planned sites
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
a new
supermarket
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,
Overall
Linking Words
,
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Garlsdon
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Carlson
boarders
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borders
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other towns:
Hindon
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in the
north west
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northwest
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; Bransdon in the
south west
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southwest
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; and Cransdon in the
south east
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southeast
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.
Site
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1 is close to
Hindon
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, and
Site
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2 is close to the other 2 towns. It is obvious that
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site
Correct article usage
the site
show examples
may serve
higher
Add an article
a higher
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number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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population
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of
Garlsdon
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Garlsdon
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has
the
Correct article usage
a
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population
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of 65,000 living in the housing area that surrounds the
town
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centre
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.
Although
Linking Words
there is
not
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no
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traffic zone in the
centre
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, the
town
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can be accessed with a railway and 3 main roads, connecting the
town
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with
Hindon
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, Bransdon, and Cranston.
Also
Linking Words
, The
town
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has
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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industrial sites in the north and south; which are surrounded by the countryside. For the possible
site
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1, the
supermarket
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would be founded in the countryside in the
north west
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northwest
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, which is 12 km to
Hindon
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with 10,000 of
population
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. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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a railway and a main road that help the
supermarket
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become accessible for people of these 2 towns.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
site
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2 of the
supermarket
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would be in the city
centre
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where the traffic is prohibited.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the
supermarket
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can be reached via a railway and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
3 main roads coming into the
centre
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
site
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may serve more locals living in the city and housing area of
Garlsdon
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as well as
Linking Words
15,000
Correct article usage
the 15,000
show examples
population
Use synonyms
of Brandon (16 km away)and 29,000
population
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of Cranston (35 km away).
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words garlsdon, supermarket, hindon, site, population, town, centre with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Congestion
  • Economic benefits
  • Environmental impact
  • Foot traffic
  • Green space
  • Job creation
  • Local property values
  • Parking availability
  • Pollution
  • Proximity
  • Public transportation
  • Sustainability
  • Traffic patterns
  • Residential areas
  • Shopping convenience
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