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Band 1

One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer life and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequence #care #people #life #expectancy #outweigh
Some people believe it
school
children
 should do  their classwork individually
this
 effect is much better and many
children
 are engaged in additional training working with the group
develop
Fix the infinitive
to develop
show examples
 skills learning and communication of other skills. I think
Correct article usage
an individually
show examples
individually
Change the word
individual
show examples
 approach better than classwork we develop quickly
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
when we are desire something in my country many parents
guess
Verb problem
teach
show examples
children
individually
Change the word
individual
show examples
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 so  the
children
 will develop better.
However
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are some cons
children
 it's
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 problem for
children
this
 is about
school
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
chikdren
Correct your spelling
children
 in one class
20
Change preposition
of 20
show examples
 or 25
children
 and
then
children
 learn communication skills. I am
speak
Wrong verb form
speaking about
show examples
this
 topic its a very painful point in my country because there are not very good
teach
Verb problem
apply
show examples
children
 at
school
for
this
 reason, many parents are afraid
give
Add the particle
to give
show examples
children
state
Fix the infinitive
to state
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
.
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

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task achievement
It appears that the essay provided does not directly address the IELTS task prompt regarding the consequences of improved medical care and longer life expectancy. Your response should directly respond to the question, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the given issue. Make sure to state a clear position and argument to align with the essay topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear coherence and cohesion. It should have a logical sequence of ideas with clear paragraphing, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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