One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer life and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequence #care #people #life #expectancy #outweigh

Some people believe it

school

children

should do their classwork individually

this

effect is much better and many

children

are engaged in additional training working with the group

develop

Fix the infinitive

to develop

show examples

skills learning and communication of other skills. I think

Correct article usage

an individually

show examples

individually

Change the word

individual

show examples

approach better than classwork we develop quickly

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

when we are desire something in my country many parents

guess

Verb problem

teach

show examples

children

individually

Change the word

individual

show examples

course

Fix the agreement mistake

courses

show examples

so the

children

will develop better.

However

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

there are some cons

children

it's

huge

Correct article usage

a huge

show examples

problem for

children

this

is about

school

teach

Wrong verb form

teaching

show examples

chikdren

Correct your spelling

children

in one class

Change preposition

of 20

show examples

or 25

children

and

then

children

learn communication skills. I am

speak

Wrong verb form

speaking about

show examples

this

topic its a very painful point in my country because there are not very good

teach

Verb problem

apply

show examples

children

school

for

this

reason, many parents are afraid

give

Add the particle

to give

show examples

children

state

Fix the infinitive

to state

show examples

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on Sat Nov 25 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

It appears that the essay provided does not directly address the IELTS task prompt regarding the consequences of improved medical care and longer life expectancy. Your response should directly respond to the question, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the given issue. Make sure to state a clear position and argument to align with the essay topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks clear coherence and cohesion. It should have a logical sequence of ideas with clear paragraphing, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

132 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
In the near future, people believe the use of technology will rise perspectively, especially the usage of electronic news and books. It has become popular nowadays and will have rapid growth in the future. It is agreed that newspapers or physical books will not be a choice among readers a few years later. Analysing the surge increase of digital book popularity, as well as the cheaper option to acquire a piece of information nowadays. Therefore, it will prove newspapers and books in nearly final era.
6
band
Some people think that is better to work alone and others think that is better to work in a team. Which do you prefer? Give reasons and details to support your opinion.
Some people harbour a belief that is more efficient to work alone, whilst others hold the reverse viewpoint that collaborative work is effective. Both perspectives are equally important and depend on an individual's personal characteristics and working styles. As an introvert, I am inclined to work alone and that brings me to concentrate on my work. Personally, I think workers should strike a balance between self-working and collaborative work because the job forces them to work in a group in moderation.
6.5
band
The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give your reason.
Smoking in common places is becoming a big concern for different communities and many believe that authorities should pass a law to forbid smoke usage in shared areas. However, it limits an individual ‘s liberty. I entirely disagree with the mentioned statement and this essay highlights its upsides and drawbacks.
4.5
band
People today are spending more and more time outside of the home. What are the reasons for this trend? What effects is it having on individuals and society?
In this contemporary era, no one hardly likes to utilise time with family. It is believed that spending myriad hours outside the accommodation is mostly preferred by a group of individuals. Although, several causes of this phenomenon are hectic schedules and the influence of peer groups which largely disturb the family relations of individuals and distract the younger generation in the community.
6
band
The internet has become profoundly efficient and popular that people choose it as a platform to learn. Some believe that it would eventually replace the need for books. Do you agree or disagree?
In today's world, as internet become a media that the majority of people can access, plus it is remotely effective in a wide range of needs. This leads to the high volume of internet users who also uses it in education aspects, and this gradually replaces actual books. However, it disagrees that the internet would replace the need for books. The fact that the internet can be installed in a limited place and the high risk of facing fake information will prove this.

One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer life and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Some people think that is better to work alone and others think that is better to work in a team. Which do you prefer? Give reasons and details to support your opinion.

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give your reason.

People today are spending more and more time outside of the home. What are the reasons for this trend? What effects is it having on individuals and society?

The internet has become profoundly efficient and popular that people choose it as a platform to learn. Some believe that it would eventually replace the need for books. Do you agree or disagree?