IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Global warming is one of the biggest threats human faces in 21st century and sea levels are continuing to rise at an alarming rate. What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions?

#threats #st #century #sea #levels #rise #rate
The line
graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the quantity  of electricity produced
power
 from 1980 to 2012 in France. The line
graph
 shows four different lines. In
this
graph
Add a comma
graph,
show examples
 you can immediately notice that nuclear source is
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 ,
while
 renewables
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 lowest, and stayed the lowest each
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
. In 1980  thermal 
power
  was the highest than other lines. Nuclear and hydroelectric started  in the same position and produced almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 
power
  each
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
, and
renewables
Fix the agreement mistake
renewable
show examples
power
provide
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
 a very
law
Correct your spelling
low
show examples
 no amount, and nuclear
power
 began growing more and more, and became the main in
this
 line
graph
. Between 1980 and 2005
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of nuclear was stable. Hydroelectric and Thermal
power
sometimes
Add a missing verb
were sometimes
show examples
 ahead of each other, but still remained at the same level, for
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
32year
Correct your spelling
32-year
 period, but renewable
power
 produced very small growth since 2000.
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structural
The essay lacks clear structural elements such as a proper introduction, developed body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Task response requires addressing the problems associated with rising sea levels and potential solutions. The focus on electricity in France is off-topic and doesn't address the given question. Coherence is about how well your ideas flow together, but this essay jumps between different points without clear connections or logical progressions.
logical
When presenting data from a graph or chart, it's important to compare and contrast the information in a structured way. The essay needs clear topic sentences for each paragraph, with subsequent sentences explaining or expanding upon the initial idea. Cohesion can be improved through the use of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas.
relevance
The essay does not address the IELTS task question which is about global warming and the associated problems and solutions. It is important to stay on topic and directly respond to the task to achieve a higher score. The information presented about electricity production in France is not relevant to the task, which results in the lowest score for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global warming
  • sea levels
  • alarming rate
  • flooding
  • coastal areas
  • biodiversity loss
  • displacement
  • agricultural lands
  • soil fertility
  • saltwater intrusion
  • food security
  • renewable energy sources
  • emission
  • greenhouse gases
  • climate-smart agricultural practices
  • water efficiency
  • coastal defenses
  • sea walls
  • flood barriers
  • conservation
  • restoration
  • ecosystems
  • mangroves
  • salt marshes
  • coral reefs
  • storm surges
  • CO2 absorption
What to do next:
Look at other essays: