In Some Countries An Increasing Number Of People Are Suffering From Health Problems As A Result Of Eating Too Much Fast Food

#countries #people #health #food

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my friend, thank you for your letter, I’m always glad to get letters from you. Now what about your question

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I agree with

this

view

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apply

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because in school all students need to learn all

subjects

. I think, that there is

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a more

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progressive way to study

subjects

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: you want to be a writer. From 5th

grade

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grade,

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you start to study only literature,

russian

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and english

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english

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, if

you

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apply

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in the future you will change your decision, you can change these

subjects

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way students will prepare for their exams and for their future

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from

young

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a young

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ages

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. But there are some practical skills, those going to be useful in the future anyway. Most part of people have their own cars. But some of them don't know how to service their cars. I think, that if they will have more

subjects

such

as math and physics, they will know, how their cars

works

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This

way they will save money

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because they won’t need to go to the special car’s services. Or there is another very important skill - money management.

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nowaday

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it is a very useful skill

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because if more people

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about managing their money, the standard of living

will

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be higher, than now.

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they need to study math to achieve

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higher standard of living.

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is your attitude

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this

view? Are you good at math and physics

subjects

? Do you

now

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know

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, how to service

car

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a car

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? Write soon. Best wishes, Timur

Submitted by dulskywork on Sat Nov 25 2023

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task achievement

It appears that you have misunderstood the topic provided. The prompt is concerning the health problems due to fast food consumption, while your essay discusses educational subjects and their future usefulness. It is crucial to stick closely to the topic and develop arguments and ideas that directly address the problems from the prompt.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential elements of a coherent structure. Please ensure that your essay begins with an introduction that addresses the question and ends with a conclusion that summarizes your main points.

coherence cohesion

The structure of your essay is somewhat disjointed and lacks clear logical progression of ideas. You should endeavor to organize your essay into paragraphs each with a clear main idea, and all paragraphs should be linked together effectively with a wide range of cohesive devices.

task achievement

Use specific examples relevant to the topic to support your ideas. While you provided examples relating to car services and money management, these are not relevant to the topic of health problems due to fast food. Relevant examples help to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

247 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In Some Countries An Increasing Number Of People Are Suffering From Health Problems As A Result Of Eating Too Much Fast Food

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

in today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantage of owwning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantage?

The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individuals and to the society, they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that wearing a uniform at work is essential whereas others think that it is unnecessary. Present your views on both sides of the argument.

In some countries, younger people are neglecting their right to vote. What problems does this cause and what are some of the possible solutions?

In many countries, the amount of crme is increasing. what do you think are the main causes of the crime? how do we deal with those causes?