In Some Countries An Increasing Number Of People Are Suffering From Health Problems As A Result Of Eating Too Much Fast Food

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Hello
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Hello,
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my friend, thank you for your letter, I’m always glad to get letters from you. Now what about your question
.
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?
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I agree with
this
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view
,
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apply
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because in school all students need to learn all
subjects
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. I think, that there is
more
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a more
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progressive way to study
subjects
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.
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: you want to be a writer. From 5th
grade
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grade,
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you start to study only literature,
russian
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Russian
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,
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and english
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english
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English
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.
Also
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, if
you
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apply
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in the future you will change your decision, you can change these
subjects
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.
This
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way students will prepare for their exams and for their future
job
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jobs
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from
young
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a young
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ages
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age
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. But there are some practical skills, those going to be useful in the future anyway. Most part of people have their own cars. But some of them don't know how to service their cars. I think, that if they will have more
subjects
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such
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as math and physics, they will know, how their cars
works
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work
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.
This
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way they will save money
,
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because they won’t need to go to the special car’s services. Or there is another very important skill - money management.
In
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Nowaday
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nowaday
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nowaday,
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it is a very useful skill
,
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apply
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because if more people
would know
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knew
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about managing their money, the standard of living
will
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would
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be higher, than now.
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Also
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Also,
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they need to study math to achieve
the
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a
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higher standard of living.
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That
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What
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is your attitude
with
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toward
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this
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view? Are you good at math and physics
subjects
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? Do you
now
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know
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, how to service
car
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a car
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? Write soon. Best wishes, Timur
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
It appears that you have misunderstood the topic provided. The prompt is concerning the health problems due to fast food consumption, while your essay discusses educational subjects and their future usefulness. It is crucial to stick closely to the topic and develop arguments and ideas that directly address the problems from the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential elements of a coherent structure. Please ensure that your essay begins with an introduction that addresses the question and ends with a conclusion that summarizes your main points.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is somewhat disjointed and lacks clear logical progression of ideas. You should endeavor to organize your essay into paragraphs each with a clear main idea, and all paragraphs should be linked together effectively with a wide range of cohesive devices.
task achievement
Use specific examples relevant to the topic to support your ideas. While you provided examples relating to car services and money management, these are not relevant to the topic of health problems due to fast food. Relevant examples help to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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