IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

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Educating
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
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young
Correct article usage
a young
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 age
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 an essential role
during
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in
show examples
 child development.
While
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 I accept that
punishments
Use synonyms
 can have positive effects on
children
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, I believe that
parents
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 and teachers should choose suitable
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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 to make
children
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 have appropriate awareness.
Punishments
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 can affect the child’s psychology
as well as
Linking Words
 their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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. If a family is often violent towards their
children
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 or has negative words for them, they will become depressed and quieter.
Moreover
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, not only they are more stubborn, but
also
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 the relationship between family and
children
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 will become increasingly distant. In some other cases, if
parents
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 know how to educate their
children
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 and have appropriate
punishments
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, their offspring can understand the problem without impairing the relationship.
For example
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, when I broke a vase of flowers that my mother loved, she would lose her
tempered
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temper
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 and yell at me. Sometimes, she would say harsh words even though it was not intentional.
However
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, that gave me a really gloomy and fearful feeling. Any
children
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 will have bad memories of violence or being yelled at by their
parents
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.
However
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,
punishments
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 have the power to
makes
Wrong verb form
make
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 kids understand their mistakes and stop bad
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Parents
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 could give their
children
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 warnings or light physical
punishments
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 if they are too stubborn.
For instance
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, when I skipped class to eat with my friends at
cafeteria
Add an article
the cafeteria
a cafeteria
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, my head teacher found out and reported it to my
parents
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.
Then
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 they confiscated my phone and told me to study hard.
This
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 not only helps me realize truancy is the wrong thing to do during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school time but
also
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 increases my self-discipline. In conclusion, it seems to me that no matter how much
parents
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 love their
children
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,
punishments
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 are necessary in education.
However
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, finding a suitable way to raise
children
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 is very difficult and takes a lot of time for both sides to understand each other.
Parents
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 should
also
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 limit violence and mental disorders in the family to encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to have a comprehensive development process.

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task response
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should state your position on the topic succinctly. The body paragraphs should elaborate on your ideas with relevant examples. Make sure the conclusion summarizes the main points and restates your position clearly.
coherence cohesion
Make use of cohesive devices to logically link ideas throughout the essay. This includes using a range of conjunctions and discourse markers. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, and subsequent sentences should provide support or further explanation.
task response
To support your main points, incorporate specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic. The examples should be detailed enough to illustrate your point but not so lengthy as to distract from the main argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Moral development
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Negative reinforcement
  • Behavioral psychology
  • Disciplinary methods
  • Corporal punishment
  • Psychological effects
  • Authoritative parenting
  • Permissive parenting
  • Behavioural correction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Legal frameworks
  • Cognitive development
  • Social norms
  • Character building
  • Restorative practices
  • Authoritarian approach
  • Constructive criticism
  • Pro-social behavior
  • Conditioning
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