IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

more and more businesses as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than being face to face. discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using techology for communication

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Nowadays, communication is going through a new approach where
technology
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 is the core of it. Many
people
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 started to use means of
technology
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 to socialize and build their
business
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businesses
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, and they prefer
such
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 a method over the direct way of communicating. Because of
this
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 occurrence, multiple advantages and disadvantages arise in society and,
thus
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, they will be discussed thoroughly in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, numerous
people
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 consider
this
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 development positive since it assists them in everyday life and needs.
In other words
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, online platforms made it accessible for everyone to contact each other easily.
As a result
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,
people
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 now can keep in contact with their loved ones on a personal level, and they can manage their work perfectly being remotely working.
For example
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, as working online is available, missions
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 travelling overseas are not necessary and many companies worldwide are
following
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this
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 approach.
Additionally
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,
schools
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school
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 and
universities
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university
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 applications are operated virtually and smoothly saving time and distance for students.
On the other hand
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, some of the disadvantages of using
technology
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 for communications are
depnding
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dependent
 on it exclusively and forming social barriers. Using social media platforms has gone viral
that
Correct word choice
and
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 many
people
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 become dependent on them which can lead sometimes to
make
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apply
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them
introverted
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being introverted
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 or hating face-to-face interaction.
For instance
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, a study conducted in Saudi Arabia showed that many individuals tend to socialize online and stay at home despite their ability to interact and meet their acquaintances directly. Other
people
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,
however
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, find difficulties in expressing themselves via
technology
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 and consider it distressful. From a personal experience, I prefer explicit contact as I struggle to convey my thoughts and true feelings on online platforms. In short, the new tendency of socialising through technological methods demonstrated various pros and cons. Evidently, it helps a lot of
people
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 in their daily communication and assists them on a professional level. It
also
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 has some negative outcomes drawing
people
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 to isolate themselves by utilizing it solely and building social barriers preventing many from proper socialization.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical sequence in the essay. While the ideas are generally organized, there should be a smoother transition between them, enhancing the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Although an introduction and conclusion are present, they could be improved by narrowing down the thesis statement and making the concluding statement more impactful.
coherence cohesion
Provide clear supporting details for each main point. While some examples are included, they need to be more specific and detailed to enhance the essay's persuasive quality.
task achievement
Overall, the essay responds to the task, but ensure every part of the question is answered in equal measure. The essay should provide a balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages, while also possibly pointing out which aspect you believe is more significant.
task achievement
Make sure the essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas consistently. While some ideas are well-articulated, others require further explanation and development.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. These examples should be relevant and enhance the overall argument. Generic or vague examples weaken the overall task response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Telecommuting
  • Virtual meetings
  • Connectivity
  • Synchronous communication
  • Asynchronous communication
  • Non-verbal cues
  • Telepresence
  • Cybersecurity concerns
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Bandwidth limitations
  • Video conferencing
  • Instant messaging
  • Digital divide
  • Network reliability
  • Remote collaboration
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