IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

When a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens happier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #wealth #citizens
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Resent
Correct your spelling
Recent
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 years have witnessed spectacular development in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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, so the trend
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 rich countries richer.
While
 there has arisen a debate whether richer countries make
people
 with less
happiness
.
Persentally
Correct your spelling
Personally
, I firmly agree with
this
 view. There are two primary reasons why I
convinced
Add a missing verb
am convinced
show examples
 by
this
 idea
is that
Verb problem
:
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 as
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 developed dramatically, it
is means
Wrong verb form
meant
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 a wide range of industries building up
such
 as high-tech and service. With
such
 excellent industries, more
labors
Change the spelling
labours
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 are required,
then
 more
people
 can have a better life with generous salaries,
this
 seems to be a more positive side.
But it
Correct word choice
It
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 will affect relationships between family members, parents will face overloaded work and they have to stay up late to finish work,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means they have no time to take care of their children.
Hence
,
although
 each person has a decent job with
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 salary package, they might not
happier
Add a missing verb
be happier
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, because they lose a lot in
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 terms. Meanwhile, another important reason is with countries
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 richer and better,
people
's live
leval
Correct your spelling
level
 can be higher,
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 saving can be
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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. They can buy
anythings
Correct your spelling
anything
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 which they cannot afford before. But they
also
 know the
sence
Correct your spelling
science
sense
 of
happiness
 has no link with wealth. If the country cannot increase the number of recreational facilities
such
 as
eco parks
Add a hyphen
eco-parks
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 and well-equipped stadiums or other meaning
infrustructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 to enrich
people
's spiritual world, the residents might feel
loneliness
Replace the word
lonely
show examples
 as same as before, they cannot feel happier with the much money. In conclusion, I totally agree the additional increase in economic wealth in a country will not bring more
happiness
 to its residents. For
this
, it is important for the government to strike a balance between citizens'
happiness
 and economic development.
Submitted by xueyinggao2023 on

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coherence cohesion
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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