IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

#countries #students #study #science #effects #society
The matter of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 not
chosing
Correct your spelling
choosing
 science is more of a problem than one might consider. I believe the causes are somewhat in sight. There has been a meteoric rise in
popularity
Correct article usage
the popularity
show examples
 of engineering in recent years.
Good
Correct article usage
A good
show examples
 salary and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 work environment would lead to many desiring
such
 goals. Why would one
chace
Correct your spelling
change
 a hoax just to be able to find a needle in a haystack
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 he could
also
 solve a problem that has been solved a
milion
Correct your spelling
million
 times?
Also
 other than other
fileds
Correct your spelling
fields
, There
isn't
Change the verb form
aren't
show examples
 enough reasons for people to go for a scientific study. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no practical uses so the only sources of income would be academic studies
such
 as universities or factories and companies looking to live on the edge of technology. Out of the
two
Add a comma
two,
show examples
 only the latter could bring enough funds to persuade the general
audiance
Correct your spelling
audience
 to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
path
Add an article
the path
a path
show examples
 of science. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
as
Correct word choice
that as
show examples
 long as we do not put
more
Change preposition
in more
show examples
 resources and time, We won't be getting any more students.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The primary issue with the essay is a lack of clear structure and coherence. The essay does not follow a logical sequence, which makes it challenging for the reader to follow your argument. - To improve: Focus on creating a clear introduction that presents the topic and outlines the main points of your discussion. Then, add organized body paragraphs, each explaining a single cause and effect with appropriate support. In the conclusion, summarize your main points and restate the importance of the topic.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, the response only partially addresses the prompt. The essay should systematically discuss the causes and effects on society of the decline in students choosing to study science. - To improve: Ensure that you address all parts of the question in a balanced manner. Provide specific causes and delineate their effects on society using clear, relevant examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: