IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn’t sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In our contemporary era, it has been debated whether someone is supposed to
work
Use synonyms
 during the study. The majority of the society believe that it is good
practise
Correct your spelling
practice
show examples
receive
Fix the infinitive
to receive
show examples
 some
knoledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and might
impove
Correct your spelling
improve
 other
skiils
Correct your spelling
skills
while
Linking Words
 others think that the time after school is a leisure time for
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
show examples
 and activities. To examine both ways of
understang
Correct your spelling
understanding
understand
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will examine both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of view and give my view. Some elementary skills
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 career planning
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 of the essence. First and foremost, part-time
work
Use synonyms
 teaches students
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 more responsible and how they should behave in
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
.
Moreover
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,
studends
Correct your spelling
students
 might be learned how they should
work
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, which aspects
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 crucial in their job.
For instance
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, they will know what certainly must be ready in a certain period of time.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication skills play a key role
as a result
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,
younsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
learns
Correct subject-verb agreement
learn
show examples
 to communicate with everyone.
For example
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,
this
Linking Words
 ability would help young
emloyees
Correct your spelling
employees
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
assist guests or tourists especially, if they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 sphere. Obviously,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication skills teach
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
Use synonyms
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
 in tandem,
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 new friends and develop
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
.
Thus
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,
this
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 aspect
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
 their future careers and plans.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, teenagers are under pressure at school because of different
taska
Correct your spelling
tasks
 and exams.
This
Linking Words
 aspect
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
show examples
 more
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
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, and they should release
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this negative feelings
Change the determiner
this negative feeling
these negative feelings
show examples
.
For instance
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, teenagers can join
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different
cources
Correct your spelling
courses
sources
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 music,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
, painting, cooking so forth.
Furthermore
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, some students plan to carry on their future education, and they want to go to tutorials to supply extra lessons.
To sum up
Linking Words
, both points of view have pros and cons
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on some situations. I
formly
Correct your spelling
firmly
formally
formerly
 agree that every student should decide whether they want to
work
Use synonyms
 or not, and choose
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 advantageous
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 on the assumption of their willings and schedule.

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introduction
Your introduction is unclear and your thesis statement requires refinement to set a clear direction for the essay. It is important that the introduction provides a clear background to the topic and clearly outlines the scope and direction of your discussion.
paragraph structure
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly, with a single main idea in each one, followed by supporting information and examples. A clear topic sentence should commence each paragraph, guiding the reader through your argument or discussion.
cohesion
Your essay has some logical sequencing, but at times the progression of ideas and points could be more clear and coherent. Try to relate all paragraphs to the central topic, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task response
Refer back to the question throughout the essay to ensure clear task achievement. Your essay should directly address the prompts provided, showing awareness of all aspects of the task.
example usage
Examples used should be relevant and specific. They need to be developed sufficiently to clarify your points. Where possible, include personal examples or observations to support your arguments.
conclusion
The conclusion should clearly summarize the main arguments presented in your essay, reflect on the content of the body paragraphs, and clearly state your own opinion. It should not introduce any new points.
language usage
Your use of language shows an attempt to provide a range of vocabulary and structures, but there are recurring errors that can cause misunderstanding. Pay attention to grammar, sentence structure, and punctuation. Practice writing sentences that are both complex and accurate.
spelling and word forms
Accurately spell key terms related to the essay topic, and make sure to use the correct form of words (e.g. 'knowledge' instead of 'knoledge', 'learns' instead of 'learned'). Consistently check for these types of errors during and after writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Part-time job
  • Financial literacy
  • Work ethic
  • Discipline
  • Job market
  • Academic performance
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Labor laws
  • Work-life balance
  • Skill development
  • Monetary independence
  • Career prospects
  • Time management
  • Peer pressure
  • Rest and recreation
  • Minimum wage
  • Skillset enhancement
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Personal growth
  • Adolescent development
What to do next:
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