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Band 3

In most successful organisations, some people believe that communication between managers and workers is important, other people say that other factors are more important. What is your opinion?

#organisations #people #communication #managers #workers #factors
Communication
 has always been an important part of life.
While
 other factors should not be ignored, I believe that
comunication
Correct your spelling
communication
 between managers and workers is very important
an
Correct your spelling
and
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 should be valued if not higher at least as high as all the other possible points. Better
communication
 would lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
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better customer service. If there is no rift in
this
 chain,
Then
 the ideal customer needs would be transmitted to the staff which would lead to
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
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 and
cooparitive
Correct your spelling
cooperative
 way of solving all the problems that one might encounter. In other forms of work, It would lead to a better and faster way of achieving
goals
Correct article usage
the goals
show examples
 of the company. If the
communication
 is not at the highest possible level, It could lead to
misscomunication
Correct your spelling
miscommunication
 and the employers could have
missunderstood
Correct your spelling
misunderstood
 the task that they were supposed to do which could have
terrible
Add an article
a terrible
the terrible
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 outcome for the whole company.
Such
 issues could be resolved quickly by designing a better
communication
 system between
employer
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employers
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 and staff.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the end,
Communication
 is one of the most important aspects of life. Languages have been created for the sole sake of communicating. We should always value It and cherish the opportunities we get to use It. As
such
 I believe
communication
 should be one of the highest priorities of anyone who has a leading position at any job.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear paragraphing and logical connectives which affects its readability. Consider using clear paragraph divisions and transition words to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay's introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved. The introduction should more clearly paraphrase the prompt and provide a direct thesis statement. For the conclusion, summarize your main points more distinctly and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported, but the essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures, the development of ideas with explanations, and a clear distinction between ideas in separate paragraphs.
task achievement
The response does fulfill the task requirements, but the position is not fully developed, and the overall progression of the essay is lacking clarity. Aim to thoroughly address the prompt and enhance the organization of your content.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas by expanding on your reasoning, offering detailed explanations, and possibly comparing communication with other factors that may contribute to an organisation's success.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument. Real-life examples or case studies make your point more convincing and tangible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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