Blood sports have become a hot Topic for debate in recent years. As Society develops, it is increasingly seen as an uncivilised activity and cruel to the animals that are killed. All sports animals should be banned discuss both views and give your opinion
Nowadays,
sports
involving animals
are prevalent worldwide. The issues surrounding blood sports
are gaining popularity globally, leading many to question how people care for animals
, particularly when they are killed during these sports
. Some communities have already addressed these concerns, advocating for a ban. In this
essay, I will discuss both views based on my experience.
First and foremost, there are many positive effects associated with sports
involving animals
. It can help prevent injuries in human athletes. Moreover
, most animals
have an instinct to participate in competitions. The benefits of these animals
are utilized by humans in these competitions. Consequently
, people can generate income by engaging in sports
involving animals
, and the demand from those who watch these competitions has increased throughout the years. This
is evident in television serials on the Discovery Channel, which broadcasts
programs about Wrong verb form
broadcast
sports
involving animals
once a week.
Furthermore
, there is a serious problem that needs addressing. The value of humanity should not be below human rights. Treating animals
cruelly solely for financial gain is morally wrong. Higher authorities need to intervene by developing regulations against animal abuse. For instance
, in Indonesia, communities holding sports
involving animals
can be penalized by authorities, facing imprisonment for up to two years and fines. Therefore
, since the government established regulations to prevent animal abuse, sports
involving animals
events in Indonesia have significantly decreased.
In summary, many people utilize animals
to generate income through cruel practices in blood sports
. This
is driven by the increasing demand from spectators. Nevertheless
, animal abuse needs to be prevented globally. Each country should establish regulations concerning sports
involving animals
to prevent the unnecessary killing of animals
.Submitted by haloalwan on
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coherence cohesion
The essay requires improvements in achieving coherence. The ideas should be organized more logically and transitions used more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly. It is crucial that each paragraph flows naturally from one to the next without abrupt changes or unclear connections. Aim to establish a stronger link between your main points to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be stronger. Your introduction should clearly address the prompt, offering a roadmap of your essay's direction. Similarly, the conclusion should effectively summate your discussion and reiterate your stance. Work on making these sections more impactful and connected to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
While you have provided some support for your main points, the examples and explanations are not always specific or compelling. To improve, incorporate more detailed and relevant examples that clearly illustrate your arguments. Use these examples to convey your points more convincingly to the reader and support your stance effectively.
task achievement
The essay incompletely responds to the IELTS task. You have touched upon the topic but not fully discussed both sides of the argument, nor have you provided a clear opinion as required by the prompt. To enhance task achievement, ensure you thoroughly discuss both perspectives and explicitly state your own opinion. Address all parts of the task to provide a complete response.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay would benefit from being more clear and comprehensive. Develop your points further by explaining and expanding upon them. Your essay should consist of fully realized ideas that contribute meaningfully to the reader's understanding of your stance on the topic. Strive to clarify each point you make, eliminating any potential ambiguity.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is missing or insufficient. To strengthen your essay, incorporate more relevant and concrete examples that tie directly into the argument you are making. Examples serve to support and enhance your ideas, making them not just more convincing but also showing a deeper understanding of the subject.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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