Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
While some
Correct word choice
Some
people
think alternative medicine can relief
their stress and Replace the word
relieve
makes
them recover soon.
I Correct subject-verb agreement
make
believed
that Wrong verb form
believe
by
following Change preposition
apply
Correct article usage
the doctor
doctor
words and Change noun form
doctor's
use
a scientific Wrong verb form
using
way
to tackle the disease is more efficient.
On the one hand, people
try to use alternative treatment
like meditation because they believe it is a calmer Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
way
to treat a health
problem
. For example
, through meditation
Add a comma
meditation,
people
with mental health
problem
could calm down and reflect on what Fix the agreement mistake
problems
trigger
them to Wrong verb form
triggered
this
situation. Another advanages
is Correct your spelling
advantage
advantages
the
alternative treatment Correct determiner usage
that
don't
have to go through a painful relief process. Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
For example
, people
who get cancer have to experience chemo which brings a lot of side effect
like loss of hair, vomiting etc.
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
On the other hand
, people
think listen
to the Wrong verb form
listening
doctor
's word and take
medicine is a more useful Wrong verb form
taking
way
solve
the disease. Doctors are professional and they know what is the best Fix the infinitive
to solve
way
to cure a disease in logical
Change the article
a logical
way
. Human being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
also
have
a long history of taking regular medicine so Change the verb form
has
it
can tackle the Correct pronoun usage
they
problem
direstly
and fix the Correct your spelling
directly
health
problem
. For example
, my brother went to the hospital after he broke his ankle. The doctor
would clear
take a look at his ankle and take Change the word
clearly
x-rax
to Correct article usage
an x-rax
makesure
he did break his bone. Correct your spelling
make sure
This
a quick and logical way
to point out the reason he felt painful
.
In conclusion, I Replace the word
pain
belive
that visiting the usual Correct your spelling
believe
doctor
is a more efficient way
to solve the health
problem
as directly point
out the Correct subject-verb agreement
points
problem
and cure
it.Correct subject-verb agreement
cures
Submitted by phoebeyeung5283 on
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Introduction
The essay lacks a clear introductory paragraph that sets the context and clearly states the writer's position on the topic. An effective introduction should provide background information and clearly state whether the writer views the trend towards alternative medicine as positive or negative.
Grammar & Spelling
There are numerous grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, and awkward phrasings throughout the essay, which hinder readability and coherence. These issues should be addressed by proofreading the essay and ensuring that ideas are expressed clearly and accurately.
Paragraphing
The essay lacks clear paragraphing with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Effective paragraphs should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences, and conclude with a final sentence that summarizes or transitions to the next point.
Logical Structure
There are noticeable structural problems in the essay. Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and use appropriate transitional phrases to connect paragraphs and sentences for better flow and understanding.
Task Fulfillment
The essay only partly fulfills the task as it does not fully discuss the implications of the rise in alternative medicine use, nor does it weigh the positives and negatives adequately. There is an attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, but the analysis lacks depth.
Conclusion
The essay's conclusion is vague and fails to effectively summarize the main points or restate the writer's position clearly. A strong conclusion should reiterate the writer's position and summarize the key arguments made in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.