Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Linking Words
While some
Correct word choice
Some
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people
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think alternative medicine can
relief
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relieve
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their stress and
makes
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make
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them recover soon. I
believed
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believe
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that
by
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apply
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following
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Correct article usage
the doctor
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doctor
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doctor's
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words and
use
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using
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a scientific
way
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to tackle the disease is more efficient. On the one hand,
people
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try to use alternative
treatment
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treatments
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like meditation because they believe it is a calmer
way
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to treat a
health
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problem
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.
For example
Linking Words
, through
meditation
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meditation,
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people
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with mental
health
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Use synonyms
problem
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problems
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could calm down and reflect on what
trigger
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triggered
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them to
this
Linking Words
situation. Another
advanages
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advantage
advantages
is
the
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that
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alternative treatment
don't
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doesn't
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have to go through a painful relief process.
For example
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,
people
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who get cancer have to experience chemo which brings a lot of side
effect
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effects
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like loss of hair, vomiting etc.
On the other hand
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,
people
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think
listen
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listening
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to the
doctor
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's word and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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medicine is a more useful
way
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solve
Fix the infinitive
to solve
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the disease. Doctors are professional and they know what is the best
way
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to cure a disease in
logical
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a logical
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way
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. Human
being
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beings
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also
Linking Words
have
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has
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a long history of taking regular medicine so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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can tackle the
problem
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direstly
Correct your spelling
directly
and fix the
health
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problem
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.
For example
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, my brother went to the hospital after he broke his ankle. The
doctor
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would
clear
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clearly
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take a look at his ankle and take
x-rax
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an x-rax
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to
makesure
Correct your spelling
make sure
he did break his bone.
This
Linking Words
a quick and logical
way
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to point out the reason he felt
painful
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pain
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. In conclusion, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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that visiting the usual
doctor
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is a more efficient
way
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to solve the
health
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problem
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as directly
point
Correct subject-verb agreement
points
show examples
out the
problem
Use synonyms
and
cure
Correct subject-verb agreement
cures
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it.
Submitted by phoebeyeung5283 on

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Introduction
The essay lacks a clear introductory paragraph that sets the context and clearly states the writer's position on the topic. An effective introduction should provide background information and clearly state whether the writer views the trend towards alternative medicine as positive or negative.
Grammar & Spelling
There are numerous grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, and awkward phrasings throughout the essay, which hinder readability and coherence. These issues should be addressed by proofreading the essay and ensuring that ideas are expressed clearly and accurately.
Paragraphing
The essay lacks clear paragraphing with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Effective paragraphs should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences, and conclude with a final sentence that summarizes or transitions to the next point.
Logical Structure
There are noticeable structural problems in the essay. Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and use appropriate transitional phrases to connect paragraphs and sentences for better flow and understanding.
Task Fulfillment
The essay only partly fulfills the task as it does not fully discuss the implications of the rise in alternative medicine use, nor does it weigh the positives and negatives adequately. There is an attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, but the analysis lacks depth.
Conclusion
The essay's conclusion is vague and fails to effectively summarize the main points or restate the writer's position clearly. A strong conclusion should reiterate the writer's position and summarize the key arguments made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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