Shops should not be allowed to sell food and drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

it has become increasingly common for the physical
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not be allowed to any edibles and beverages . Some
people
believe that it is not reality and have many problems when shops do not sell it .
However
, I think it is necessary to restrict buying any
food
outdoors.In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
we discussion about
this
problem No one can deny the fact that
shop
Wrong verb form
shopping to
show examples
buy
food
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
many benefits for
people
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
not have a lot of time , but we should
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spend
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time preparing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breakfast , in lieu of
stay
Change the form of the verb
staying
show examples
up late we should wake up early and spend
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
to doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
food
it much better .The immediate result it produces is can polish up lifestyle and make many positive
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
like we can optimal brain function
that is
very important to product in jobs .Perhaps the most obvious result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
is we can against many diseases and improve physical and mental health.Nothing could be more apparent than evidence that In
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
always make breakfast
instead
of
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
outdoors.
By contrast
, shops do not buy any
food
or drinks are
increase unemployed
Replace the word
increased unemployment
show examples
and many
negative
Correct word choice
other negative
show examples
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
.Probably there is some truth
i
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
the idea that we should limit
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
in store
Add a hyphen
in-store
show examples
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand , one thing which is equally important that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
packaged
food
is not exist
Change the verb form
does not exist
show examples
and dump the waste which is more increase
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
many years it will be fallen ,
that is
also
responsible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
about
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
and destroy the natural habitats will be solved like air pollution, …..As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
people
in the world would have the green revolution.The most familiar example of
this
is
In japan
Correct your spelling
in Japan
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
package
Change the verb form
packaged
show examples
food
usually
Add a missing verb
is usually
show examples
materials
Verb problem
apply
show examples
eco friendly
Add a hyphen
eco-friendly
show examples
and have many method to recycle waste .
By contrast
, do not
any
Add a missing verb
have any
show examples
information to ensure that it will be sustainable. In conclusion,
personally
Add a comma
personally,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think is very important
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
restrict
Change the verb form
restricting
show examples
some
food
and beverages it will be many positive
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
when we do it and have
green
Correct article usage
a green
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
life
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your opinion in response to the prompt and sets the stage for your argument. Your conclusion should reiterate your main points and clearly summarize your position for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clear logical structure. This includes organizing your ideas into distinct paragraphs with topic sentences, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that links back to the main point.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your main points. These should be clear, relevant, and enhance your argument, helping to persuade the reader of your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Work on the coherence of your essay by ensuring that sentences and paragraphs smoothly transition from one idea to the next. Utilize cohesive devices like linking words and phrases to tie your ideas together.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulations
  • accountability
  • retailers
  • public health
  • consumer choice
  • diet
  • banning
  • health education
  • awareness campaigns
  • economic impact
  • job losses
  • small businesses
  • complexity
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • quantity consumed
  • individual health conditions
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