IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks overweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives #overweigh
The first thing that comes to mind when significant improvements are considered is taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 because high-value achievements require acting bravely. So, it is vitally crucial for individuals to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in risky
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
,
however
, both benefits and drawbacks must be evaluated carefully. In
this
 essay, I will argue that the pros of
such
 steps outweigh the cons.
To begin
 with, high-
risk
 steps may result in losing everything and
as a consequence
, it can
threat
Replace the word
threaten
show examples
 mental health. Undoubtedly, some who are going to take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 review many scenarios in their mind based on having
glorious
Correct article usage
a glorious
show examples
 future with a lot of accomplishments.
As a result
, fake self-confidence may overshadow their wisdom and try to gamble whatever they have in order to gain
such
 success. Based on statistics, the level of optimism for people who are obsessed with taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 is higher than
risk averse
Add a hyphen
risk-averse
show examples
 ones.
Hence
,
in addition
 to
act
Wrong verb form
acting
show examples
 blindly, they do not consider some strategies so as to confront possible failures.
Consequently
, after realizing spoiled sources they feel depressed with the possibility of
suiciding
Replace the word
suicide
show examples
.
On the contrary
, some actions with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high level of uncertainty can be considered as a turning point in
every one's
Replace the word
everyone's
show examples
 life and give them huge opportunities.
risk
-seeking people usually achieve
successes
Fix the agreement mistake
success
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 short period of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time, which
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 time and a great deal of struggle. As an example, there are many bonds being traded in financial markets and the more variation, as a benchmark for
risk
, the more capital gain they have.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 might be expected, Investors with the preference of high-
risk
 portfolios usually gain shocking returns in the relatively short period of investment. Risky strategies,
therefore
, play an undeniable role in some circumstances to make achievements skyrocket. In summary, despite the mental issue, taking
risk
boost
Add the particle
to boost
show examples
 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of accomplishments either in professions or lives, which makes the advantages more significant compared
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 disadvantages.
Submitted by amansoore48 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay generally adheres to the topic but your ideas need to be clearer and more comprehensive. Ensure that each paragraph clearly presents a main idea and corresponds to the central argument without unnecessary repetitions or tangential information.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay requires attention. Ideas should flow from one to the next with appropriate connectors and transition phrases. Clear introduction and conclusion are present but they need to be more developed to effectively frame the essay and reiterate key points.
coherence and cohesion
Supporting points are evident in the essay but could benefit from further development and clarity. Use more relevant examples to substantiate your argument. Where possible, utilize statistics, case studies, or anecdotal evidence to provide a stronger base for your assertions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!