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Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important consideration while selecting a job or career has a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Undoubtedly, in
this
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 modern era, a number of modifications have taken place.
Therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that a high amount of money is crucial when selecting a
job
Use synonyms
. I partially agree with the statement owing to some reasons which I will hash out in my
further
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 paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
For a start, several factors are associated with it, but the main one is that individuals choose their
work
Use synonyms
 for their
job
Use synonyms
security
Use synonyms
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
. To illustrate, nowadays every employee needs
security
Use synonyms
 in their
job
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due to
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 several factors.
Firstly
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, in
job
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security
Use synonyms
, they can feel safe because they do not have any fear of losing it.
Also
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, they will stay focused on their
work
Use synonyms
 without any fear of losing
the
Change the word
their
show examples
job
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, the masses
also
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 need a friendly environment because with
this
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 they will not lose their confidence and well they can take help from other
people
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 in difficult tasks.
Body paragraph 2
Moving
further
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, medical insurance and rewards
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
Add an article
an
show examples
important consideration when selecting a
job
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. To explain, a number of multinational companies provide medical services to their employees with
this
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 it will become beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
 to do
work
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 in a safe place. Not only
this
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 but
also
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 most of the firms provide bonuses and incentives to their employees with
this
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, they become motivated and
work
Use synonyms
 more which will lead to profit for the company.
For instance
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, a survey was conducted which concluded that 75 per cent of organisations give rewards to their employees when they do difficult tasks.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 choose their
job
Use synonyms
 for higher income,
job
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security
Use synonyms
, rewards and a comfortable working environment are
also
Linking Words
 essential things when selecting a particular
job
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Introduce the topic and your position more clearly in the introduction. Be sure to provide a thesis statement that outlines the structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. Each body paragraph should have a clear central idea, followed by explanation and example.
coherence cohesion
Wrap up your essay with a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position on the topic.
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