IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important consideration while selecting a job or career has a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#consideration #job #career #income
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Undoubtedly, in
this
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 modern era, a number of modifications have taken place.
Therefore
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,
people
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 believe that a high amount of money is crucial when selecting a
job
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. I partially agree with the statement owing to some reasons which I will hash out in my
further
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 paragraphs. For a start, several factors are associated with it, but the main one is that individuals choose their
work
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 for their
job
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security
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Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
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. To illustrate, nowadays every employee needs
security
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 in their
job
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due to
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 several factors.
Firstly
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, in
job
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security
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, they can feel safe because they do not have any fear of losing it.
Also
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, they will stay focused on their
work
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 without any fear of losing
the
Change the word
their
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job
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.
Moreover
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, the masses
also
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 need a friendly environment because with
this
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 they will not lose their confidence and well they can take help from other
people
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 in difficult tasks. Moving
further
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, medical insurance and rewards
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
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Add an article
an
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important consideration when selecting a
job
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. To explain, a number of multinational companies provide medical services to their employees with
this
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 it will become beneficial for
people
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 to do
work
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 in a safe place. Not only
this
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 but
also
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 most of the firms provide bonuses and incentives to their employees with
this
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, they become motivated and
work
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 more which will lead to profit for the company.
For instance
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, a survey was conducted which concluded that 75 per cent of organisations give rewards to their employees when they do difficult tasks.
To conclude
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,
although
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people
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 choose their
job
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 for higher income,
job
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security
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, rewards and a comfortable working environment are
also
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 essential things when selecting a particular
job
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.
Submitted by svmaibcamaibs on

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task achievement
Introduce the topic and your position more clearly in the introduction. Be sure to provide a thesis statement that outlines the structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. Each body paragraph should have a clear central idea, followed by explanation and example.
coherence cohesion
Wrap up your essay with a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position on the topic.
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