IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

People believe that these days there is a general increase in anti social behviour and lack of respect for other. what might have caused this situation? How to improve it?

#people #behviour #lack #respect #situation
Nowadays
anti
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
social
Correct word choice
anti-social
show examples
 activities are very
usual
Correct word choice
common
show examples
bacause
Correct your spelling
because
 of easy access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social media
paltform
Correct your spelling
platform
platforms
 .parents should take proper care
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their child what they are doing
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
close
Replace the word
closed
show examples
door
Fix the agreement mistake
doors
show examples
 and outside .How often
they
Add a missing verb
do they
show examples
Correct your spelling
closing
closeing
Correct your spelling
close
 their door
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what kind of friends they
are having
Verb problem
have
show examples
 and how
many times
Fix the agreement mistake
much time
show examples
 they
spending in
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
close door
Correct your spelling
closed-door
show examples
 .
Submitted by emonsunderland2015 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The response provided is incomplete and underdeveloped. It does not adequately address the two questions posed by the task: causes for the rise in anti-social behaviour and lack of respect, and proposals for improvement. To improve your Task Achievement score, your essay must clearly and fully discuss both of these points.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of the text are weak. The response lacks a clear logical structure, introduction, and conclusion. To enhance coherence, arrange ideas in a logical sequence and use paragraphs to separate them. An introduction should set the context and clearly state your main points, while a conclusion should summarize them. Cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases can help to connect ideas more smoothly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: