Write about the following topic: Some people think that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing contribute more towards a child's overall development. The school curriculum should provide more time for these subjects to be taught if the school wants the all-round development of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
children
are more interested in various types of fields, so numerous people think that subjects like arts, music, drama and creativity contribute more towards a child’s
overall
development. They believe
school
curricula provide more
time
for these subjects to be taught if the schools want the all-round development of
children
. I agree with
this
statement. In
this
essay, I will explain all points in detail.
Firstly
, some
children
are not interested in studying so they like other things like singing, painting, dancing, and acting. I explained it, some
students
are feeling bored
then
they do the same work on a daily basis so the
school
added some extra curriculum activities for
students
and arranged some events so their
children
could perform.
For example
, as per a report by WHO,
children
’s minds are more shared and developed when they do extra activities in
school
and they learn
time
management skills.
Hence
, the government added some
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
to the study so that
children
take benefits.
On the other hand
, The governments added these subjects as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elective subject, because some
students
’ taste is different and they choose
according to
their own taste. The schools have limited
time
for study and through
this
activity, schools properly manage
time
without struggling
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with the syllabus of
students
they have limited
time
. As per a survey by BBC new, every year thousands of
children
sufer
Correct your spelling
suffer
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
mental depression because the
school
schedules have so many headaches, and
students
are limited
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
doing the assignments. In conclusion, It is arts, music, drama, and creative writing
that is
good for student
overall
development. But if the
students
choose based on own their interests they perform better and improve
overall
growth.
Submitted by lavneet.kumar45 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction must clearly state your position. Each body paragraph should contain a single clear idea that is developed with reasons and examples.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately (such as 'firstly', 'on the other hand', 'for example') to help with the flow of the essay. Avoid overusing these devices as it could become mechanical.
task achievement
Check your essay for grammatical errors and incorrect word usage. Accurate use of grammar and vocabulary are crucial for conveying your ideas effectively and achieving a higher score.
task achievement
Present relevant examples to support your points. These examples should be detailed and specific, rather than general, to add weight to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each containing one main idea, and make sure they are logically connected. Avoid grouping too many ideas into one paragraph.
task achievement
Work on developing your position throughout the essay. It is not enough to simply agree or disagree; you must also convincingly argue why your view is correct using supporting evidence and exploring implications or opposing views.
task achievement
Maintain a formal tone throughout your essay, as this is a requirement of the IELTS Academic writing task. Avoid colloquial expressions and informal language.
coherence cohesion
Strive for variety in your sentence structures to demonstrate your grammatical range. Using a mix of simple, compound and complex sentences will enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Conclude your essay effectively by summarizing the main points discussed and restating your position. The conclusion is your last opportunity to leave an impact on the reader, so make sure it is strong and clear.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating the same ideas or vocabulary. Using synonyms and paraphrasing are good practices to demonstrate lexical resource and avoid redundancy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • empathy
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • academic achievement
  • curriculum integration
  • cognitive abilities
  • interpersonal skills
  • innovation
  • collaboration
  • multidisciplinary
  • self-expression
  • cultural awareness
  • innate talents
  • cognitive flexibility
  • extracurricular activities
  • core subjects
  • personal fulfillment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: