IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing contribute more towards a child's overall development. The school curriculum should provide more time for these subjects to be taught if the school wants the all-round development of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays,
children
Use synonyms
 are more interested in various types of fields, so numerous people think that subjects like arts, music, drama and creativity contribute more towards a child’s
overall
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 development. They believe
school
Use synonyms
 curricula provide more
time
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 for these subjects to be taught if the schools want the all-round development of
children
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. I agree with
this
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 statement. In
this
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 essay, I will explain all points in detail.
Firstly
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, some
children
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 are not interested in studying so they like other things like singing, painting, dancing, and acting. I explained it, some
students
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 are feeling bored
then
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 they do the same work on a daily basis so the
school
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 added some extra curriculum activities for
students
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 and arranged some events so their
children
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 could perform.
For example
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, as per a report by WHO,
children
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’s minds are more shared and developed when they do extra activities in
school
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 and they learn
time
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 management skills.
Hence
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, the government added some
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 to the study so that
children
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 take benefits.
On the other hand
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, The governments added these subjects as
an
Correct article usage
apply
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elective subject, because some
students
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’ taste is different and they choose
according to
Linking Words
 their own taste. The schools have limited
time
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 for study and through
this
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 activity, schools properly manage
time
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 without struggling
of
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apply
show examples
with the syllabus of
students
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 they have limited
time
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. As per a survey by BBC new, every year thousands of
children
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sufer
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suffer
and
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apply
show examples
mental depression because the
school
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 schedules have so many headaches, and
students
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 are limited
to
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in
show examples
 doing the assignments. In conclusion, It is arts, music, drama, and creative writing
that is
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 good for student
overall
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 development. But if the
students
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 choose based on own their interests they perform better and improve
overall
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 growth.

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction must clearly state your position. Each body paragraph should contain a single clear idea that is developed with reasons and examples.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately (such as 'firstly', 'on the other hand', 'for example') to help with the flow of the essay. Avoid overusing these devices as it could become mechanical.
task achievement
Check your essay for grammatical errors and incorrect word usage. Accurate use of grammar and vocabulary are crucial for conveying your ideas effectively and achieving a higher score.
task achievement
Present relevant examples to support your points. These examples should be detailed and specific, rather than general, to add weight to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each containing one main idea, and make sure they are logically connected. Avoid grouping too many ideas into one paragraph.
task achievement
Work on developing your position throughout the essay. It is not enough to simply agree or disagree; you must also convincingly argue why your view is correct using supporting evidence and exploring implications or opposing views.
task achievement
Maintain a formal tone throughout your essay, as this is a requirement of the IELTS Academic writing task. Avoid colloquial expressions and informal language.
coherence cohesion
Strive for variety in your sentence structures to demonstrate your grammatical range. Using a mix of simple, compound and complex sentences will enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Conclude your essay effectively by summarizing the main points discussed and restating your position. The conclusion is your last opportunity to leave an impact on the reader, so make sure it is strong and clear.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating the same ideas or vocabulary. Using synonyms and paraphrasing are good practices to demonstrate lexical resource and avoid redundancy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • empathy
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • academic achievement
  • curriculum integration
  • cognitive abilities
  • interpersonal skills
  • innovation
  • collaboration
  • multidisciplinary
  • self-expression
  • cultural awareness
  • innate talents
  • cognitive flexibility
  • extracurricular activities
  • core subjects
  • personal fulfillment
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