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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree? What are some other reasons why people may stay?

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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
belive
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believe
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, employees stay with
Use synonyms
company
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the company
a company
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 for extended periods of time because they are being heavily paid.I strongly disagree with
this
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 notion because
work
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work-life
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life
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 balance and familiar workplaces should be considered as one of the strong reasons to be with
Use synonyms
company
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the company
a company
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for
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in
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long
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the long
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 run.I will discuss my viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. Money is rarely a
reson
Correct your spelling
reason
 to stay with
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company
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the company
a company
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 ,there are various other factors.First and foremost is the
work
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work-life
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life
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 balance and some additional facilities
that
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is
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are
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 provided by companies to attract the workers to stay with them.To explain,if
employee
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the employee
an employee
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 can manage the personal
as well as
Linking Words
 professional
life
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 with a
company
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 , he will be satisfied with the
company
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 and
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
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 loyal to
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company
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the company
a company
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.
For example
Linking Words
,there is a
company
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 called "Intercom" in Canada which provides free healthcare ,studies and dental insurance which motivates them to stay with
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company
Add an article
the company
a company
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.
Thus
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, it enables a sense of responsibility and works more efficiently.
Moreover
Linking Words
,to transition from
a
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apply
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one
company
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 to another brings a lot of challenges in
a
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an
show examples
employees
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employee's
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life
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.Newcomers are always nervous
while
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 joining a new firm ,they
feel
Verb problem
wonder
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 if the new coworkers will accept them or not.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
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 do not like to relocate to
ther
Correct your spelling
their
the
 location as it would be costly and
person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 with
Correct article usage
a familiy
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familiy
Correct your spelling
family
 cannot leave the family and settle
somehwhere
Correct your spelling
somewhere
 else.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was a survey performed in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 in 2019 which defines that 65% of
people
Use synonyms
 like to have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job near their cities and they defer to relocate to other regions.
Hence
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,
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 feel more comfortable with the
company
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 they are working on because they build strong
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with co-workers. In conclusion, having mulled over
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 information,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there
alot
Correct your spelling
are a lot
 of other factors
people
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 tend to stay loyal
with
Change preposition
to
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 the
company
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. The sense of security, job satisfaction and
work
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work-life
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life
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 balance
plays
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play
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 an
intergral
Correct your spelling
integral
 part.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that your essay is well-organized and each paragraph logically follows the previous one. Use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay clearly with an identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part should serve its purpose: introducing the topic, discussing it, and summarizing the points made.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear and specific examples. Avoid too general statements and strive to provide evidence or detailed descriptions to back up your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the task effectively. Read the prompt carefully and make sure your essay answers each aspect of the question completely.
task achievement
Clarify and expand upon your ideas to convey them accurately. Make sure your examples and explanations are well-developed and contribute to the reader's understanding of your perspective.
task achievement
Including specific, relevant examples can greatly enrich your essay. Make sure the examples are directly linked to your argument and clearly illustrate the point you are trying to make.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • employee retention
  • professional development
  • telecommuting
  • competitive salary
  • health benefits
  • retirement plans
  • supportive management
  • workplace satisfaction
  • loyalty
  • job security
  • employee turnover
  • personal values
  • career ladder
  • workplace dynamics
  • loyal to an employer
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