IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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In recent years, rural
people
Use synonyms
moving
Wrong verb form
have moved
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 to the
city
Use synonyms
, decreasing population in the countryside has occurred in every country of the world.
This
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 has negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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, increased pressure on the environment and health issues. I will explain the reason in
this
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 essay below.
Firstly
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, the influx of the rural population moving into the
city
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 has caused environmental problems
such
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 as overused natural resources and
air
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 pollution. The more amounts of
people
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, the more numbers of vehicles on the road which emit fumes and pollutants into the world, creating the global warming effect, contributing to carbon dioxide emissions and increasing the temperature of the earth.
For example
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, America which is a country that has a higher rate of migration
people
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, consuming natural resources,
Correct word choice
and using
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using
Wrong verb form
use
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 in transportation, shows dramatic production of Carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 the increasing migration of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 from the countryside to
urban
Add an article
an urban
the urban
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 area, have a negative effect on the environment.
Secondly
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, The growth of the
city
Use synonyms
,
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to severe traffic congestion,
air
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 quality is worse than outside the
city
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, and when inhaling toxic substances can cause illness.
This
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 affects the respiratory system in the long term.
For instance
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,
people
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 who live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Thailand, Chaing Mai, which
Add a missing verb
is the
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the
Correct article usage
a
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city
Use synonyms
 that
have
Change the verb form
has
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poor
Add an article
a poor
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 quality
of
Change preposition
apply
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air
Use synonyms
, tend to have a high rate of lung cancer regardless of low
air
Use synonyms
 quality.
Thus
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,
this
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 becomes apparent that relocating to urbanisation initiates health problems. To summarise, the widespread trend of moving to live in urbanisation is evident in many countries. I firmly believe that it is a drawback development in terms of environmental and health issues.
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coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, ensure that paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next by using cohesive devices and clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are critical to frame your essay. Make sure your introduction paraphrases the question and your conclusion summarizes your main points without repeating them verbatim.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations to make them more persuasive and to demonstrate a range of vocabulary and sentence structures.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by providing a balanced view, discussing both sides of the issue if required, and making sure that your essay answers all aspects of the prompt.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully by expanding on each point with clear, comprehensive explanations. Use paragraphs effectively to separate ideas and to provide a clear structure.
task achievement
Provide relevant, specific examples to support your points. This will add depth to your argument and show the examiner you can use real-world situations to underpin your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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