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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some countries have recently passed laws limiting the daily working hours of employees. Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact.

#countries #laws #hours #employees #impact
Nowadays,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of countries
canceled
Change the spelling
cancelled
show examples
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
penalty
 at
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
since it has a negative impact on public morals.
However
, many disagree and consider
such
 punishment necessary and correct. One of the main advantages of
this
 is that
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
penalty
 can reduce
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of violent
crimes
. Despite
this
, the probability of error in the justice system is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 disadvantage. The good thing is that
this
 type of
penalty
 can reduce
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
violent
crimes
 in some ways because situations when killer stay without punishment it is not
infrequently
Change the word
infrequent
show examples
.
Moreover
,many culprits just receive a short short time in prison and
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
continue their
crimes
.So,
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
penalty
helpful
Add a missing verb
is helpful
show examples
 when cruel
crimes
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
.
For instance
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the news often shows how people after prison continue
crime
.
However
, the main drawback is that there is a chance to accuse an innocent
person
 of a
crime
. Very often mistakes happen when accusing a
person
, and if the
death
penalty
 is resumed, there is a possibility of killing a peaceful
person
.
This
 will affect public morals and will not reduce
crime
 anyway because the real criminal will have a chance to escape
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
death
penalty
.
For example
, there are a lot of videos
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the Internet where
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 was in
the
Change the word
their
his
her
show examples
 prime
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
time and
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
turned
Wrong verb form
turns
show examples
 out that one was innocent. In my opinion, the
death
penalty
 can be resumed only for very brutal
crimes
 where people have died. But it is very important to distinguish the motives of the criminal
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because for some the
death
penalty
 is better than the whole life in prison. It is
also
 necessary to be 100% sure that it was the
person
 caught who committed the
crime
. In conclusion,
advantage
Add an article
the advantage
an advantage
show examples
 of
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
penalty
 is that it can reduce
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of cruel
crimes
 but
probability
Add an article
the probability
show examples
 that in the same
ways
Add a comma
ways,
show examples
 it can kill innocent people is a disadvantage.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task response
It is crucial to ensure that the essay directly responds to the given question. The content provided deviates from the set topic revolving around the legislation limiting daily working hours of employees and instead discusses the death penalty. It is essential to stay focused on the given task and provide a comprehensive discussion related to the specific topic in question.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure that there is a clear logical structure connecting the introduction to the conclusion. Though an introduction and conclusion are present, they do not frame the main body sufficiently. There is a need to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that provides an indication of the paragraph's content, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Burnout
  • Work-life balance
  • Productivity
  • Economic output
  • Labor hours
  • Stress levels
  • Unemployment rates
  • Wages
  • Salaries
  • Standard of living
  • Corporate culture
  • Workflows
  • Operational costs
  • Profit margins
  • Restructuring
  • Job satisfaction
  • Leisure time
  • Adaptation
  • Physical and mental health
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