Subjects like art, music, and drama are more important than other subjects and therefore should be given more time in the calendar. Do you agree or disagree?
For children's proper brain development drawing classes
has
to carry unique importance.To some extent,it should be mandatory in Correct subject-verb agreement
have
primary level
education ,which can help kids open up their fine and arts thinking .Add a hyphen
primary-level
On the other hand
,people might think if it not
come to mind it will be just a waste of time,it may be in elementary-level education as an optional subject .
In my point of view,Art classes have some extra uniqueness which can help students to learn and improve their imagination power .Add a missing verb
does not
Furthermore
, children can put their attention on their home country's cultural life
which grows innar
patriotism and assists in growing sets of skills as well.Correct your spelling
inner
innate
Therefore
,If it is in a structured manner in primary level education then
it may help to find extra potentiality from them and it will enrich cultural life
which is important for any nation .
On the other hand
,Often
many of them are Rephrase
apply
arguing
Wrong verb form
argue
with
drawing classes Change preposition
that
as
time killers.If kids are not interested we might not get any worthy return we will received from them .SoCorrect your spelling
is
that
,many are Correct word choice
apply
on
opponents and they want cultural or Change preposition
apply
others enterprise
may happen as optional ,If anyone wishes from their heart they explore their calibre.
In conclusion,Fine arts Fix the agreement mistake
other enterprises
life
are
needed to improve brain development and keep cultural and social Change the verb form
is
life
.Children can take it as a hobby with a good foundation from school life
,later if they work out well on it they might take it as professional.Nowdays
,arts and Correct the word
Nowadays
and
photography has huge demand in social Remove the redundancy
apply
life
.Submitted by emonsunderland2015 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and concise introduction and conclusion. It is important to start with an introductory paragraph that clearly states your opinion on the topic and ends with a concluding paragraph that summarizes your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an attempt to create a logical structure with paragraphing, but the connection between ideas is weak. Work on linking sentences and paragraphs together to improve the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have made an effort to support your main points, but the support lacks depth and specificity. Use concrete examples and explain how they relate to your argument to strengthen your position.
task achievement
While you have attempted to address the topic, you have not fully explored the implications and contrasting views of giving more time to artistic subjects in the school calendar. Develop your response to cover all parts of the prompt comprehensively.
task achievement
Your response should be clearer and more comprehensive. Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea with explanations or examples to support it.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is limited and not fully relevant to the argument. Incorporate relevant and detailed examples to support your stance on the topic. This will add depth to your essay and illustrate the points you are making.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.