You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the fact that the rate of overweight in young people has a tendency to go up 20% in the
last
ten years. This
essay is dedicated to the underlying roots, followed by some equivalent influences of this
phenomenon.
Without a shadow of a doubt, there are many justifications why
young people in Change preposition
for why
western
society tend to hike weight compared to the Capitalize word
Western
last
ten years. However
the one that shows Add a comma
However,
impression
is fast Correct article usage
an impression
food
. Because with
the development of technological devices, the brands of fast Correct word choice
With
food
become more and more popular, especially to children
, with the appelling taste through selling their product in
online sale platforms . Change preposition
on
For example
, KFC, Lotte and Mcdonalds are successful in purchase
their Change the verb form
purchasing
food
through website
which help them have a large of Add an article
a website
the website
loyalty
Replace the word
loyal
children
customers. Hence
, the reason why western children
is
likely to Change the verb form
are
overweight
is the common of fast Add a missing verb
be overweight
food
.
While
the culprit of this
phenomenon is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if the impacts of this
are ignored. If young people abuse fast food
on a regular basis, it can lead to a wealth of harmful effects on their health. Because fast food
contains a flood of protein which requires a long time in order to completely digest so children
can suffer from pessing
problems. Correct your spelling
pressing
passing
For instance
, overweight children
can have the rate of cancer which is higher than other normal children
. So cancer is one of the remarkable alarming influences if children
eat more and more fast food
.
In conclusion, if children
use a lot of fast food
for a long time, it can trigger not only overweight but also
serious disease
, especially cancer which can make the quality of their life go down.Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
Submitted by nh203618 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that these ideas are distinct from each other to avoid repetition.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs, but avoid overuse or incorrect use.
coherence cohesion
Provide clear and concise topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph, ensuring a stronger logical structure.
task achievement
Address both parts of the task by discussing causes and effects with equal development, and ensure that the response remains directly related to the prompt throughout.
task achievement
Develop ideas fully by providing deeper analysis and more detailed explanations of causes and effects, moving beyond stating the obvious.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your points, ensuring that these examples clearly illustrate the arguments being made.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?