IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Large-scale festivals attract tourists, bring economic benefits to an area, while taking away the local culture. Discuss the ADV and the DAV.

#festivals #tourists #area #culture #adv #dav
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
From my perspective, large-scale
festivals
Use synonyms
 have many benefits and disadvantages. It is not only beneficial for economic development and tourism but
also
Linking Words
 helps improve
people
Use synonyms
's lives. But the disadvantages of the festival are air
pollution
Use synonyms
, social evils,...
First,
Linking Words
the festival will develop the economy and tourism. There are many restaurants and shops that will open in the near future to meet tourist demand. The economy and
people
Use synonyms
's income will increase.
Besides
Linking Words
, students can work part-time to earn money.
In addition
Linking Words
, unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 will have the opportunity to be hired.
Second,
Linking Words
expanding the scale of the festival will bring the city to the world stage. Cultural and traditional features will be loved by tourists and brought back home to introduce to friends and relatives. The more
people
Use synonyms
 know about the
festivals
Use synonyms
 and natural beauty in Vietnam, the more attention and interest Vietnam will receive from the world. But
on the other hand
Linking Words
, when too many
festivals
Use synonyms
 take place, environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
 will appear. Air
pollution
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 too many means of transportation to serve tourists, noise
pollution
Use synonyms
 and other
pollution
Use synonyms
 problems,... When many
festivals
Use synonyms
 take place, social evils become more complicated
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 Bad
people
Use synonyms
 will take advantage of the festival to steal. But ultimately, for a more developed country, we need to have many large-scale
festivals
Use synonyms
 each year to attract international tourists and investors. The disadvantages will gradually be overcome or limited by the government.
Submitted by ms.quyenmelody on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure and clear paragraphs, which creates difficulties in following the argument. Please ensure to use clear paragraphing, with each paragraph discussing a single idea, and use linking words effectively to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the text.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion appear to be missing. An effective essay should begin with an introduction that paraphrases the question and outlines the main points to be discussed, and end with a conclusion that summarizes the discussion and restates your position. Please include these essential components in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need to be developed further with more detailed explanations and a broader range of examples. To achieve this, consider diving deeper into the implications of festivals on local culture and provide specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
You have somewhat addressed the task by attempting to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of large-scale festivals. However, the response needs to be more complete, with a clearer expansion of ideas and more precise examples. Be sure to discuss each point thoroughly to demonstrate a full understanding of the topic.
task achievement
While you present some clear ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of festivals, these need to be expressed more comprehensively. Aim to explain your ideas in more depth, illustrating them with specific examples, facts, or data where possible.
task achievement
The examples provided need to be more relevant and specific to the topic of festivals and their impact on local culture and the economy. Instead of generalized statements, use particular instances or case studies that clearly illustrate the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: