Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is believed that keeping wild
animals
in a zoo
is arguable. Some people think the animals
should be kept in zoos, while
others think they should live in their natural habitats. In my humble opinion, the zoo
should not exist, and the elaboration will be covered in the following essay.
To begin
with, some humans think that zoo
captivation is one of the best practices to keep endangered creatures safe from starvation, poachers, as well as
predators. Therefore
, they captive
the Verb problem
captivate
animals
and bring them into the zoo
. As an illustration, Sumatera
Elephant is one of the Correct article usage
the Sumatera
animals
which is included in the Animals
Appendices because their habitat had
decreased and Wrong verb form
has
also
a threat from the poachers who aim their tusks. Because of this
reason, humans bring them into zoo
to keep them alive. Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
Hence
, society could see this
endangered animal in the zoo
for the next generation and could enrich their knowledge about this
endemic creature.
However
, bringing animals
to the zoo
will take
numerous costs because the management should keep them well and should make their habitat similar to the wild. Verb problem
incur
Moreover
, the management has to pay the expert to get a deep understanding of the creature as well as
its special needs. Sadly, based on the common zoo
's actual condition, the management just tries to get some profits from maintaining and operating the zoo
. They do not really care about the animals
, they are just money oriented
.
Add a hyphen
money-oriented
On the contrary
, based on the aforementioned view, some environmentalists and animal lovers think that all creatures should live in the wild. They think keeping animals
in zoos has tremendous negative impacts instead
of benefits aspects. They believe it is still possible to take care of the animals
without captivation, such
as a sanctuary
. Taking Way Kambas Sanctuary
in Lampung, Indonesia. This
sanctuary
provides a natural habitat for their Sumatera Elephants
. Correct your spelling
Sumatra elephants
Moreover
, the experts, they make collaborate with Non-Governmental Organizations who
Correct pronoun usage
that
specialized
in Wrong verb form
specialise
animals
. To operate this
sanctuary
, they arrange some tourism patterns to attract tourists, and the income from this
method will be used for monthly employees and experts. If they get numerous funds from the sponsor, they will do camera procurement in the forest just in case to prevent the animals
from the poacher, unnatural behavior
of the Change the spelling
behaviour
animals
, and from natural disasters.
To conclude
, instead
of animals
captivation, I assume that keeping Change the noun form
animal
animals
in the sanctuary
is a better method to keep the species from danger.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay presents arguments in a more organized manner. The points often seem scattered, and the connection between them could be made clearer.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a stronger, more concise introduction and conclusion. Make sure that your opinion is clear and consistently reflected throughout the essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support arguments. While the essay includes relevant examples, more detailed and varied instances would strengthen the main points.
task achievement
Aim for a balanced discussion when addressing both views. The essay somewhat neglects the view supporting zoos, which may make the response seem biased or incomplete.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example