Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is believed that keeping wild
animals
Use synonyms
in a
zoo
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is arguable. Some people think the
animals
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should be kept in zoos,
while
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others think they should live in their natural habitats. In my humble opinion, the
zoo
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should not exist, and the elaboration will be covered in the following essay.
To begin
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with, some humans think that
zoo
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captivation is one of the best practices to keep endangered creatures safe from starvation, poachers,
as well as
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predators.
Therefore
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, they
captive
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captivate
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the
animals
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and bring them into the
zoo
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. As an illustration,
Sumatera
Correct article usage
the Sumatera
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Elephant is one of the
animals
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which is included in the
Animals
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Appendices because their habitat
had
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has
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decreased and
also
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a threat from the poachers who aim their tusks. Because of
this
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reason, humans bring them into
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zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
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to keep them alive.
Hence
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, society could see
this
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endangered animal in the
zoo
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for the next generation and could enrich their knowledge about
this
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endemic creature.
However
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, bringing
animals
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to the
zoo
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will
take
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incur
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numerous costs because the management should keep them well and should make their habitat similar to the wild.
Moreover
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, the management has to pay the expert to get a deep understanding of the creature
as well as
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its special needs. Sadly, based on the common
zoo
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's actual condition, the management just tries to get some profits from maintaining and operating the
zoo
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. They do not really care about the
animals
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, they are just
money oriented
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money-oriented
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.
On the contrary
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, based on the aforementioned view, some environmentalists and animal lovers think that all creatures should live in the wild. They think keeping
animals
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in zoos has tremendous negative impacts
instead
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of benefits aspects. They believe it is still possible to take care of the
animals
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without captivation,
such
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as a
sanctuary
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. Taking Way Kambas
Sanctuary
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in Lampung, Indonesia.
This
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sanctuary
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provides a natural habitat for their
Sumatera Elephants
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Sumatra elephants
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.
Moreover
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, the experts, they make collaborate with Non-Governmental Organizations
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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specialized
Wrong verb form
specialise
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in
animals
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. To operate
this
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sanctuary
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, they arrange some tourism patterns to attract tourists, and the income from
this
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method will be used for monthly employees and experts. If they get numerous funds from the sponsor, they will do camera procurement in the forest just in case to prevent the
animals
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from the poacher, unnatural
behavior
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behaviour
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of the
animals
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, and from natural disasters.
To conclude
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,
instead
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of
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animals
Change the noun form
animal
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captivation, I assume that keeping
animals
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in the
sanctuary
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is a better method to keep the species from danger.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay presents arguments in a more organized manner. The points often seem scattered, and the connection between them could be made clearer.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a stronger, more concise introduction and conclusion. Make sure that your opinion is clear and consistently reflected throughout the essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support arguments. While the essay includes relevant examples, more detailed and varied instances would strengthen the main points.
task achievement
Aim for a balanced discussion when addressing both views. The essay somewhat neglects the view supporting zoos, which may make the response seem biased or incomplete.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • natural habitat
  • artificial enclosures
  • genetic diversity
  • animal welfare
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • education platform
  • breeding programs
  • reintroduction
  • psychological suffering
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