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Band 4

Some people believe that law change humen behavior.Do you agree with it?

#people #law #change #humen #behavior
The importance of designing an effective legal system in every country which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
 others reject
this
 notion. The substantial influence of
this
 trend has sparked
the
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controversy over the potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, the
above stated
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above-stated
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 proposition is undoubtedly rational.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate
the
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on the
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 positive effects of
this
 trend and
thus
 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
, the first and
the
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foremost reason behind law
molding
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moulding
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the
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human
behavior
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behaviour
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 is that it teaches them discipline and
also
 helps in reducing the crime rate. Another striking change that it brings in human
behavior
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behaviour
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 is that it automatically induces fear factor in the minds of criminals. Categorically discussing, it cannot be ignored that laws play an indispensable role. Probing ahead, one of the main underlying
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 stems from the fact
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that it helps in moving the society towards development. The key factor is to make the society a safer place. Moving
further
, it is pertinent to mention that only an effective legal system can help in
this
 regard. Apart from the reasons mentioned above, it can be clearly stated
that
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why many are in
favor
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favour
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 of
this
 trend. To recapitulate,
according to
 the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach
to
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apply
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a
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the
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 conclusion that the benefits of law in bringing a change in respective to human behavior are instrumental indeed.
Submitted by zoozs606 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical progression, maintaining a consistent theme throughout. Your essay showed a degree of structure, but at times, the link between the ideas was not clear, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
While you did include an introduction and conclusion, which is positive, work on creating stronger thesis statements and clearer summaries of your argument in these sections. This will greatly enhance the impact and clarity of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your main points should be well-supported with specific evidence or examples. You have provided generalized statements but to improve, incorporate more detailed, relevant examples that directly back your main points.
task achievement
Your response completes the task, yet it should more precisely address the prompt. Make sure that your essay directly answers the question asked, using clear, comprehensive ideas that precisely reflect the task requirements.
task achievement
Your ideas are addressed but strive for clarity and depth in your argumentation. You should ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea and elaborate upon it thoroughly to show a strong understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Examples are crucial in substantiating your points; however, the examples you've provided are somewhat generic. Include more specific, detailed, and relevant examples to add weight to your arguments and give the examiner clear evidence of your point of view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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