IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Tourism has emerged as one of the biggest industries of this decade, but its disadvantages cannot be overlooked. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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There are numerous countries nowadays
such
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 as Thailand, Vietnam, and Maldives where
tourism
Use synonyms
 has become a part of the national economy and main revenue, directly contributing to the increase in GDP. At some points, the contentions of the drawbacks caused by tourists have arisen. From my perspective, I firmly believe that these downsides are detrimental to the country and I will provide my
further
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 explanations in the essay below.
To begin
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 with, it is undeniable that
tourism
Use synonyms
 creates employment and generates a huge income
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 for the nations that heavily rely on
this
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 industry. To illustrate more, hotels, restaurants, and eminent destinations require staff to operate and run a business.
Therefore
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, it
also
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 implies that the more visitors
coming
Wrong verb form
come
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 to travel, the lower
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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 rate of the country, resulting in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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domestic economic growth as the
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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 have higher purchasing power.
Nevertheless
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, the influx of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 aggravates pollution and environmental degradation.
According to
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 the World Count website,
tourism
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 contributes to more air pollution, with transportation accounting for almost 90% of carbon emissions since
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 from one place to another place requires vehicles.
Moreover
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,
for example
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,
travelers
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travellers
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 may intrude into prohibited areas where local authorities aim to protect or unintentionally catch reserved animals of the nation. These circumstances can devastate the ecosystem and cause discontent in the community.
To conclude
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, I concede that though
tourism
Use synonyms
 can be considered an impetus for economic invigoration, the negative impacts brought by tourists are far more jeopardized and the domestic government should take legal measures to cope with these challenges.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear overall structure, including a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Try to make your paragraphs flow together naturally, using appropriate linking words to help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples that are directly relevant to the prompt and show the consequences of the issues discussed.
task achievement
Provide a clearly defined opinion throughout the essay to enhance task achievement. While you did state your agreement with the topic, your position could be supported more consistently with arguments throughout the essay.
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