There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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It is a general belief that

subjects

Use synonyms

like physical education and cookery should be removed from the curriculum to promote more focus on academic

subjects

Use synonyms

because of the growing pressure to succeed in recent times. I Completely disagree with

this

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statement because there are several benefits of studying other

non acedemic

Correct your spelling

non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

This

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will be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.

Firstly

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, children are given the opportunity to explore a wide range of career options. Not every child is academically inclined and has the ability to perform excellently in scientific

subjects

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. There are others who have great athletic prowess and would do better in the sports society. Presenting them

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Change preposition

with this

show examples

this

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with this

show examples

opportunity at a young age will give them the option to discover their strengths and focus on making themselves better in

this

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regard.

For instance

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, a popular footballer mentioned that he discovered he was talented in playing football at a young age because of the time he spent exploring different sports in middle school.

Furthermore

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, there has been a rise in the number of obese children in society. A reason for

this

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could be because they spend the majority of their time on their phones resulting in a reduced time playing outdoors.

Therefore

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, when physical education is encouraged, they would see the importance of keeping physically fit and the extra sports activities would encourage them to stay more active.

Likewise

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, teaching them culinary skills can

also

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help in the reduction of Obese children.

This

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is because the school will have an opportunity to teach them healthy recipes and encourage them to practice making and eating them in their respective homes. in turn, reducing the amount of unhealthy alternatives that they may likely eat.

To conclude

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, the benefits include giving the young ones the chance to explore several career paths and assisting in the management of obesity through exercise and healthy eating.

Submitted by suleezekielo on Mon Nov 27 2023

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introduction conclusion presence

Ensure you provide a well-defined introduction and conclusion. The essay should begin with a clear thesis statement and end with a summarizing conclusion that refers back to the points made within the body paragraphs.

logical structure

Develop logical structure within your paragraphs by using clear topic sentences and following them with relevant supporting sentences. Use transition words to improve the flow from one idea to the next.

supported main points

Use specific examples to support your main points. Each paragraph should have at least one clear example that substantiates the argument made. Avoid general statements without concrete evidence.

complete response

Fully address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, including reasons why some may support the removal of non-academic subjects, and then give your position with relevant examples and explanations.

clear comprehensive ideas

Strive to clarify your ideas by organizing them into coherent and comprehensive paragraphs. Consistency in presenting ideas will help the reader understand your position better.

relevant specific examples

Incorporate a variety of relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. This adds credibility to your arguments and shows a better understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

310 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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