There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a general belief that
subjects
like physical education and cookery should be removed from the curriculum to promote more focus on academic
subjects
because of the growing pressure to succeed in recent times. I Completely disagree with
this
statement because there are several benefits of studying other
non acedemic
Correct your spelling
non-academic
subjects
.
This
will be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.
Firstly
, children are given the opportunity to explore a wide range of career options. Not every child is academically inclined and has the ability to perform excellently in scientific
subjects
. There are others who have great athletic prowess and would do better in the sports society. Presenting them
Change preposition
with this
show examples
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
opportunity at a young age will give them the option to discover their strengths and focus on making themselves better in
this
regard.
For instance
, a popular footballer mentioned that he discovered he was talented in playing football at a young age because of the time he spent exploring different sports in middle school.
Furthermore
, there has been a rise in the number of obese children in society. A reason for
this
could be because they spend the majority of their time on their phones resulting in a reduced time playing outdoors.
Therefore
, when physical education is encouraged, they would see the importance of keeping physically fit and the extra sports activities would encourage them to stay more active.
Likewise
, teaching them culinary skills can
also
help in the reduction of Obese children.
This
is because the school will have an opportunity to teach them healthy recipes and encourage them to practice making and eating them in their respective homes. in turn, reducing the amount of unhealthy alternatives that they may likely eat.
To conclude
, the benefits include giving the young ones the chance to explore several career paths and assisting in the management of obesity through exercise and healthy eating.
Submitted by suleezekielo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion presence
Ensure you provide a well-defined introduction and conclusion. The essay should begin with a clear thesis statement and end with a summarizing conclusion that refers back to the points made within the body paragraphs.
logical structure
Develop logical structure within your paragraphs by using clear topic sentences and following them with relevant supporting sentences. Use transition words to improve the flow from one idea to the next.
supported main points
Use specific examples to support your main points. Each paragraph should have at least one clear example that substantiates the argument made. Avoid general statements without concrete evidence.
complete response
Fully address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, including reasons why some may support the removal of non-academic subjects, and then give your position with relevant examples and explanations.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to clarify your ideas by organizing them into coherent and comprehensive paragraphs. Consistency in presenting ideas will help the reader understand your position better.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate a variety of relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. This adds credibility to your arguments and shows a better understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: