IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

User Write a passage about social interactions in our modern life

#user #passage #interactions #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the development of
technology
Use synonyms
 gave birth to many modern forms of communication
such
Linking Words
 as email,
social
Correct word choice
and social
show examples
 media,... which help us enhance the
life
Use synonyms
 quality;
however
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 decreases our real-
time
Use synonyms
 social
interactions
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, it has had a negative effect on our social
life
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, it is true in some ways.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that the impact of
technology
Use synonyms
 on our social
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
life
 is indeed a complex and multifaceted issue. The
advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 facilitate instant connections,
enable
Correct word choice
and enable
show examples
 the sharing of information and experiences across vast distances through many driving forms of
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it can sometimes lead to a reduction in face-to-face
interactions
Use synonyms
. The convenience of sending q quick message or engaging in online conversations may deter
people
Use synonyms
 from
engagaing
Correct your spelling
engaging
 in the depth of personal
interactions
Use synonyms
 that come with in-person communication.
For example
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 we passed through the lockdown
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 Covid 19 period, students sometimes prefer taking part in an online course rather than spending
time
Use synonyms
 coming to the traditional class
due to
Linking Words
 the convenience and
Use synonyms
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the immersive nature of
technology
Use synonyms
 can contribute to social isolation. Spending extended periods on digital devices, whether work or leisure. may absolutely lead to a decrease in the
time
Use synonyms
 communicating in real
life
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
, the virtual world can become a
substitite
Correct your spelling
substitute
 for real-world
interactions
Use synonyms
, potentially impacting mental health and
overall
Linking Words
 well-being.
For example
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of hanging out with
Add an article
a friend
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 or coming outside and exploring things in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of youngsters now tend to adore staying at home and immersing themselves in
sufting
Correct your spelling
surfing
 networks or watching TV. Some
people
Use synonyms
 even spend 3 or 4 hours per day just to
wath
Correct your spelling
watch
 Tik Tok videos, that's
significantly
Correct article usage
a significantly
show examples
 urgent situation! In short, the impact of
technology
Use synonyms
 on social
life
Use synonyms
 is shaped by how individuals choose to integrate these tools into their daily routines.
Although
Linking Words
 it may potentially reduce the amount of
time
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 spend seeing their friends and lead to some negative impacts on social
life
Use synonyms
, I believe that with
mindful
Add an article
a mindful
show examples
 approach to strike a balance,
technology
Use synonyms
 can enrich our social experiences rather than detract from them.
Submitted by duongntt.tld on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Expand on how technology both improves and diminishes social interactions to provide a more rounded argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Transition between ideas could be smoother to guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: