Many people are supportive of the opinion that young children should study at home, because there are so many problems in schools nowadays. To what extent do you agree?
A
substaintial
number of individuals have a strong view Correct your spelling
substantial
in
the way Change preposition
on
of
young Change preposition
apply
children
studing
, which says that Correct your spelling
studying
pupeals
should study at home because of so many problems that are in schools Correct your spelling
pupils
toaday
. In Correct your spelling
today
this
essay,I will share my opinion about howmuch
it is Correct your spelling
how much
neccesary
and Correct your spelling
necessary
excebtable
.
it is crystal clear that Correct your spelling
acceptable
,
these days there are too many problems in study places almost for young Remove the comma
apply
children
;in fact,some of
Change preposition
apply
schools
are not safe around the world;Add an article
the schools
therefore
,changing the life style
;to illustrate,consider people's life before and after Queid Correct your spelling
lifestyle
pandamic
, before that Correct your spelling
pandemic
children
went to school and parents had no concern about such
a deases
;Correct the article-noun agreement
deases
a deas
as a result
, studing
online is more Correct your spelling
studying
desier
for some parents who Correct your spelling
desire
are worry
about their Change the verb form
are worried
children
's health.
On the other hand
, in the modern days that we are living humans are becoming alone and
alone;indeed;family ties are not like past anymore; Correct word choice
apply
there fore
,they are almost fairly small and most Correct your spelling
therefore
of
families just have one child;Change preposition
apply
forexample
,parents who have one young child prefer to keep him/her next to themselves and study at home, in order to loosing them.Correct your spelling
for example
Hence
, their child used to be alone and may never could
make Remove a modal verb
apply
frinds
and can not Correct your spelling
friends
take
participate in communities.
Verb problem
apply
To conclude
, in my opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
studing
young Correct your spelling
studying
pupeals
at home , will Correct your spelling
pupils
cuases
some problems Correct your spelling
cause
causes
in
Change preposition
with
sociability
conditions, which are not Replace the word
social
sutable
in time.Correct your spelling
suitable
stable
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and coherent structure, which significantly impacts its readability. Consider using clear paragraphs to introduce, develop, and conclude your ideas. Each paragraph should have a central idea, supported by explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your overall opinion, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need to be better supported by relevant examples and explanations. Develop each point fully to make your argument more persuasive and satisfying the task requirements.
task achievement
Ensure that you've fully responded to all parts of the task by providing a balanced discussion that covers both sides of the argument. It is important to clearly address the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement given, using specific reasons to back up your points.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on sentence structure and vocabulary to improve the quality of your writing, making it easier for the reader to understand and follow your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to strengthen your arguments. These examples should be clearly linked to the points you are making and serve to illustrate your points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.