IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

the people think is an internet. Is it good or positive?

#people #internet
With
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 implementation of the gadgets, a diversity of messengers occurred,
according to
 which the number of users is increasing. Thanks to
this
, there is a conscientious objection
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
face-to-face
communication
, which in my opinion is a negative development, leading to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
isolation and other issues. By having all devices for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
communication
 online, twice as many
people
 would prefer to chat in messengers at home, which
further
Add a missing verb
is further
show examples
 followed by
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
isolation. The unconscious voluntary harm made by individuals has some severe consequences from a medical perspective as
this
 might be the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the different mental health issues.
For instance
, as the result of poor
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
communication
 the fear of talking in front of
people
 may occur and complicate the ability to communicate with society. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, some
people
 struggle to either buy some products or make a
doctor
Change noun form
doctor's
show examples
 appointment as they need to express
clearly
Correct pronoun usage
their clearly
show examples
 thoughts. The poor vocabulary and slow thinking process may be revealed because there are no opportunities to mull over the message sitting alone in own room.
Moreover
, the social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 modern
people
 are used to
acquaintance
Add an article
an acquaintance
show examples
, can have some pitfalls as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risk or even worse
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
treat
Correct your spelling
threat
show examples
 to
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
show examples
 life. The lack of assurance in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
personal identity is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
not
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good start
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
,
thus
 there
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can be some photos with friends uploaded, but there is still no evidence that these are no fake. The daily chatting with seemed pleasant man may be a trick in sake stealing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal data or a meeting for a money fraud. In conclusion, the popularity of socialising online among
people
 is rising to
this
 day,
although
 some issues may be caused
such
 as loss of
communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 or some
hazard
Fix the agreement mistake
hazards
show examples
 to life from unknown
people
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet.
Submitted by arinatiutina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas to create a coherent argument. The essay displays a basic structure, but the ideas need to flow more logically.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion that directly address the essay question for a cohesive structure.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with specific examples and explanations to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Fully address the task by responding to all parts of the prompt in a more detailed and focused manner.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on ideas to provide a more comprehensive argument. This will ensure that the ideas are not only clear but also fully developed.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your points. This adds strength to your argument and meets task requirements more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
What to do next:
Look at other essays: