The government should band smoking in all public places, even tough this would restrict some other people’s freedoms. Do you agree and disagree?
Many
people
these days hold various ideas as regards to
smoking in all public places. It is said that smoking in all public areas should not be allowed by the government. Even though some individuals assert that it is Change preposition
apply
restriction
for some society’s freedom, I completely agree that there would be more negative impacts if it is Add an article
a restriction
the restriction
continiued
in upcoming years.
First of all, it is an undeniable fact that smoking, in general, injures Correct your spelling
continued
the
human health. Nowadays, the number of tobacco-related products is increasing, Correct article usage
apply
additionally
, there are plenty of convenient places for using this
, such
as parks, gardens, coffee shops etc. Smoking in the
public areas is terrible Correct article usage
apply
for
not only for Change preposition
apply
people
who are already addicted to,
Remove the comma
apply
but
Correct pronoun usage
it but
also
for the environment.
On the other hand
, when it comes to liberty
of the Correct article usage
the liberty
people
,here in my opinion, if your desires may cause irritation for other individuals then
we cannot speak about freedom. It is because some people
have sensitivity
or some allergics Add an article
a sensitivity
the sensitivity
for
the smell of Change preposition
to
the
smoke. Meanwhile, not choosing Correct article usage
apply
appropriate
place for smoking has other negative impacts. Add an article
an appropriate
the appropriate
For example
, if the father smokes beside his children all the time, of course, he can not be a good role model for them. Children have powerful imitation abilities so, unconsciously, they may be affected by that.
To sum up
, maybe, from some people
's opinions , it can take the freedom of the people
but here the most crucial thing is being constructive. All the people
should be responsible for the sake of the whole society.In order to save many lives and cleanse the air of pollutants, it is the ministry's responsibility to establish strict regulations and limitations for smokers.Submitted by naghizadaozgul on
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task achievement
Ensure that the essay maintains a clear position throughout, without digressing or introducing new, unrelated ideas. The stance taken should be consistent and evident in every paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay. While some logical structure is present, the use of linking words and phrases could be expanded to enhance the coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present and generally clear, they could be more effectively articulated to immediately establish and summarise the writer's viewpoint.
task achievement
Expand on the main points with more detailed and focused supporting evidence. Specific examples would greatly enhance the argument by demonstrating the practical implications of the points made.