IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The use of corporal punishment (physically hitting students) in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#punishment #students #schools #decline #behaviour
There is a
debateable
Correct your spelling
debatable
 issue in
teaching
Add an article
the teaching
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 process to teach
Add an article
the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 to be good in attitude.
While
 applying physical
punishment
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 cannot be applied in school
due to
 rejection,
this
 option could be
the
Correct article usage
a
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 way to improve
children
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children's
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manner
Fix the agreement mistake
manners
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. I really disagree
by
Change preposition
with
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 introducing physical
punishment
 in
learning
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the learning
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 process at school because there are many alternatives to increase
student
 mindset to be good. Physical
punishment
 could prevent
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
to grow
Change preposition
from growing
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 and it
also
give
Verb problem
causes
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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trauma
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. School is the best place to find much of mistakes before
student
 face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 in their future life. Introducing corporal
punishment
 could prevent
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
to learn
Change preposition
from learning
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 with their decisions because if the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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do
Verb problem
make
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 some mistakes, they believe that the
punishment
 will face them. In the same way,
student
Add an article
the student
a student
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 will not take some risks
for
Change preposition
with
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 their decision because moving from
the
Change the word
their
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 comfort zone could harm them physically.
For instance
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 are not confident to give some
critics
Fix the agreement mistake
criticism
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/
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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 to
teacher
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the teacher
a teacher
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 in the middle of
discussion
Add an article
the discussion
a discussion
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. There are some
approach
Change the form of the verb
approaches
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 that can be used to teach
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to be good
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
.
Firstly
, when
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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get
Verb problem
make
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 some
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 in their behavior, teachers can ask them to open
room
Correct article usage
a room
show examples
 for discussion.
This
 option will not only give
student
 space to explain
about
Change preposition
apply
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their meaning
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
 teach them to admit
for
Change preposition
apply
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their mistake.
In addition
, rewarding the
student
 will increase
Correct article usage
the student
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student
Change noun form
student's
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 motivation to obey the rule.
For instance
, the classroom that
apply
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applies
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reward
Correct article usage
a reward
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with
Change preposition
to
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student
Add an article
a student
the student
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 of the month or the best
student
 with
good
Add an article
a good
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 attitude will gain presents from their teacher.
This
 option will change
student
 behaviour to be good
due to
 motivation to compete with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 to be the best. In conclusion, Physical
punishment
 will not create
student
 improvement in behaviour, but it only
prevent
Change the verb form
prevents
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student
to grow
Change preposition
from growing
show examples
 with
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 decision. The best way to teach
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 about behaviour is
creating
Change the verb form
to create
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 space for discussion and
motivating
Wrong verb form
motivate
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 them to obey the
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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coherence cohesion
The essay requires a clearer and more logical structure. Sentences should flow naturally with appropriate use of linking words and paragraphing that clearly separates the introduction, main body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points need better support with more developed explanations and relevant examples. The use of specific, detailed examples can demonstrate the implications of corporal punishment and alternative methods more effectively.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task with a clear position throughout the essay. Elaborate on ideas thoroughly and make sure they are well-explained and backed up with relevant examples.
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