IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentage of employers in various sectors having difficulty in finding staff in 2003 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentage of employers in various sectors having difficulty in finding staff in 2003 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart
depicts
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 how many employers in the 4 sectors (Manufacturing, Building,
Commerce
Use synonyms
, and Services),
recruiting
Wrong verb form
recruited
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
staff with 3 different difficulties between 2003 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, There was a growth in difficulties
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 finding skilled
workers
Use synonyms
 and unskilled
workers
Use synonyms
 from 2003 and 2004 in all sectors, except the
commerce
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While recruiting
Correct word choice
Recruiting
show examples
 technical and managerial
workers
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 figured with an easy task
over
Change preposition
for over
show examples
 a year. Nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
workers
Use synonyms
 with
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 were hard to
be recruited
Wrong verb form
recruit
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 percentage
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 considerably by around 5 % in
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
, building and services sectors and It decreased in the
commerce
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
 from 47 % to 41 %.
Likewise
Linking Words
, unskilled
workers
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 had the same trend with a surge
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 5 %
approximately
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in all
Use synonyms
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
, with an exception
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
commerce
Correct article usage
the commerce
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
dropping
Wrong verb form
which dropped
show examples
 to 19 %. Finding
workers
Use synonyms
 with competency in technical and managerial was the easiest task among other categories. The
overall
Linking Words
 percentage was below 15 % in 2003, and
this
Linking Words
 number had a gradual decline below 10 % in all parts in 2004.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words commerce, workers, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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