Some people believe that children should be made disciplined by making them obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others, however, believe that those children who are controlled are not well-prepared to tackle the challenges life brings to them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some people argue that
children
should be taught to obey the rules
to make them more disciplined for doing what their parents
and teachers
tell them to do, while
others are against it due to
the reason that it only makes children
to be not well-prepared to deal the
upcoming life challenges. I prefer to support with a balanced perspective Change preposition
with the
which
Change preposition
in which
children
are being controlled by their parents
and teacher and I believe it makes children
used to obey the rules
later in society.
Children
are still clueless about everything, they know nothing about life. That particular reason makes children
should be taught and told by the rules
both from teachers
, and parents
. However
, there are both positive and negative consequences from it. Despite the rules
made can teach children
to be more disciplined, but
Correct word choice
apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
also
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
children
being
fear of breaking Change the verb form
to be
rules
everytime
they step outside even a single step. So, what should Replace the word
every time
parents
and teachers
do that they have to balance the reward and punsihment
Correct your spelling
punishment
such
they appreciate children
for being honest,
and Remove the comma
apply
giving
them a small warning for being late to schoolWrong verb form
give
.
In the real world, we Change the punctuation
?
also
have many rules
from any places
that you can mention, school, government, road, etc. So, those Fix the agreement mistake
place
children
are under the control of their parents
and teachers
will be more-prepared
to face the real-life situation when they grow older, not Correct your spelling
more prepared
otherwise
. If children
are not used to obey
the Change the verb form
obeying
rules
in schools, they surely find difficulties to fit
in society since they are not taught to respect the norm. Change the verb form
fitting
For instance
, children
who are not used to late
during school, Add a missing verb
being late
they
tend to not do the same Correct pronoun usage
apply
while
they are in the workplace because they respect and manage their time wisely.
In conclusion, despite possibility
of Add an article
the possibility
children
being fear for
Change preposition
of
a
punishment Remove the article
apply
from
breaking the Change preposition
for
rules
, however
, children
are being
prepared Unnecessary verb
apply
since
Change preposition
from
the
early age by obeying the Correct article usage
an
rules
to respect other people in the future, not otherwise
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the ideas in the essay are logically arranged and that there is a clear overall progression from start to finish. Each new paragraph should introduce a related but distinct idea or argument.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. The introduction should clearly state what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion should effectively summarise the discussed points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point with relevant details and examples. It's important to expand on your ideas to show how they relate to the topic and to one another. Aim to include at least one specific example per main point to demonstrate understanding.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task ensuring that your response is complete. Make sure you discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion clearly and effectively.
task achievement
Present ideas clearly and comprehensively. The reader should not struggle to understand your points. Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your points. These examples provide the necessary evidence for your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example