IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Unemployment is one of the most serious problems facing developed nations today. What are the advantages and/or disadvantages of reducing the working week to thirty five hour

#unemployment #nations #week #thirty #five #hour
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in most developed nations,
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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 problem is a common situation at present. Some say that mitigating the working hours a week can assist to reduce the joblessness. I accept that
this
action
 has many advantages
although
 it would lead to some troubles.
This
 essay will discuss it briefly for the following reasons. There are many benefits to
this
 proposal. One of the main benefits is that
if
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 reduces the working times a week from
fourty
Correct your spelling
forty
four
 hours to
thirty five
Add a hyphen
thirty-five
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will improve workers' health condition,
this
 means
Add an article
an employee
the employee
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employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 can work without stress, and
as a result
, it increases
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
productivity and profit in companies and organisations,
hence
, they may hire
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 person to the company as a worker. Another
advantange
Correct your spelling
advantage
 is that
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 working hours need
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
extra workers to finish the same amount of production as before,
hence
, the enterprise can
recurit
Correct your spelling
recruit
 new people in their companies, and
as a result
,
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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 ratio will be diminished by
this
action
 in developed nations. There are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
action
.
First,
reducing the working periods can lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 the
operting
Correct your spelling
operating
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 because they
should
Verb problem
apply
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need to produce the same level of production
ad
Correct your spelling
as
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 before,
thus
, they must hire new employees to manage
this
.
Then
, if wages
get
Verb problem
apply
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increase, the
product
Change noun form
product's
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 final
cost
also
 increases,
consequently
, people will suffer.
For example
, in fast food in
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 nations, many folks are low-earners.
To conclude
, mitigating the working time a week may reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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joblessness in developed provinces,
hiring
Correct word choice
and hiring
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 new employees
for producing
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to produce
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 the same level
production
Change preposition
of production
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
benefits
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
.
However
. operating
cost
 and product
cost
 might be increased by
this
action
 are the drawbacks.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure. It is vital to use paragraphs effectively to separate your ideas, and to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed coherently. Work on creating a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address the task, but your response needs to be more complete and fully developed. Expand your ideas and provide deeper analysis to thoroughly cover the task. Make sure to address all parts of the prompt, not just the ones you feel most comfortable with.
task achievement
Your essay needs more specific examples to support your points. Providing real-world examples or citing studies can help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive. Ensure that these examples are relevant to the topic and integrate them smoothly into your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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