interest in homeschooling is becoming more widespread around the world. in your opinion, should school be compulsory for all children, or should families be allowed the right to choose to educate their children at home?
Nowadays, homeschooling is becoming increase than past, people have a debate about
children
should go to schools Correct word choice
whether children
compulsory
rather than Correct word choice
apply
attending
Wrong verb form
attend
homeschool
. I strongly believe that Wrong verb form
homeschooling
children
should go to school for studies, in this
essay I will explain the reasons for my point of view.
To begin
, we need to build kids
social Change noun form
kids'
kid's
skills
from their childhood, when they attend the
Correct article usage
apply
colleges
they meet different kinds of Fix the agreement mistake
college
kids
and they learn how to interact with them. Specially
, they learn how to tolerance and how to share things with each other. If you teach your Rephrase
In particular
children
in homeschool they will missed
the chance to engage with others. Change the verb form
miss
This
is crucial
part of homeschooling, most Add an article
a crucial
kids
tend to be isolate
and selfish. For Change the verb form
be isolated
examle
, every school have Correct your spelling
example
sports
day Add an article
a sports
in
each year, Change preposition
apply
from
Correct word choice
and from
this
schools need to build kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
tolarance
ability, sharing and how to accept the Correct your spelling
tolerance
failiers
. Correct your spelling
failures
Due to
, offsprings attend to homeschools, they will missed
Change the verb form
miss
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
oppertunities
.
Correct your spelling
opportunities
On the other hand
, to become a teacher is not an easy task. They improve their teaching skills
through a lot of trainings
, workshops and experiences. Change the wording
training
pieces of training
However
, all the parents
are not good and teaching. Concequantly
, homeschooling Correct your spelling
Consequently
children
will loose
their academic life Correct your spelling
lose
due to
lack
of teaching Correct article usage
the lack
skills
of their parents
. For example
, teachers can identify various skills
of the kids
such
as acting, singing and problem solving but many parents
look at their children
in a
same way all the time, Correct article usage
the
it
is hard for them to identify Correct word choice
so it
a
different Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
skills
from their kids
.
In conclusion, in my opinion
there will be a lot of drawbacks if you send Add a comma
opinion,
child
Add an article
the child
a child
for homeschool
. Change preposition
to homeschooling
Specially
, Rephrase
In particular
children
not
have Change the verb form
do not
did not
chance
to Correct article usage
a chance
attach
with other Verb problem
interact
kids
and
and Correct word choice
apply
parents
can not identify their kids
various Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
skills
due to
lack of experience.Submitted by Sa.inaka on
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Task Achievement
In regards to task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the question equally and in enough depth. This essay does touch on the topic but could be improved by offering a more balanced discussion considering both sides of the argument, following it with personal conclusions aligned with the initial thesis.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a coherent structure as ideas are not clearly organized into logical paragraphs. It's important to have a clear introductory paragraph that sets the stage for the discussion, followed by body paragraphs that each handle a single main point, and a concluding paragraph that succinctly wraps up the essay's stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on paragraph coherence by ensuring that each paragraph has a main idea, supported by further explanation, examples, or arguments. Transition words can be effectively used to link ideas within and between paragraphs, which will aid in the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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