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Band 3

28/11 Do you think government should put money on railways rathert than roads? To what extent do you agree or disagree? 8-2

#government #money #railways #rathert #roads
When it comes to
develop
Change the verb form
developing
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 infrastructure, some
people
 think investing in
railway
Fix the agreement mistake
railways
show examples
 could be a better idea than funding
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
roads. In my opinion, I think
this
 idea can bring more benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Funding railways can efficiently ease
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic congestion. In China, the trains
are equipped
Change the verb form
have equipped
show examples
 the air-conditioner and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
soft seats to increase the comfort level
while
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
,
therefore
, more and more
people
 prefer to choose the trains as their way of transport.
As a result
, there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 cars driving on the road, which can reduce the occurrence of traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
.
Railway
Add an article
The railway
show examples
 could help the
people
 who live in the countryside access the city easier. In some remote countryside, the
people
 need to take several hours on a bus or various kinds of vehicles to
arrive
Verb problem
reach
show examples
 the urban area. If the government invest in the
railway
,
people
 can directly arrive city.
However
, there is no doubt that the safety issue when
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 late on
train
Add an article
the train
show examples
, especially for
female
Add an article
a female
the female
show examples
 who is alone.
For example
, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, some drunk or homeless will wander in the train station
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
midnight, which has a large risk of attacking
people
. In conclusion, even though the
railway
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some disadvantages,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the benefits it brings could outweigh
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 flaws.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the ideas progress logically from one to the next, with appropriate use of linking words and phrases to connect them.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay, as well as a concise conclusion that summarizes your argument and reiterates your stance on the issue.
task achievement
While examples are used to support your main points, they need to be more fully elaborated. Develop your arguments further with more detailed examples and explanations.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that your essay fully responds to the question by discussing both sides of the argument if required, and by stating your own opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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