IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others, However, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Change
Use synonyms
 is a part of our daily
lives
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 and whether
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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it is embraced or not,
change
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 is unavoidable. There are diametrically opposing views on
this
Linking Words
 topic as some
people
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 believe that
change
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 is always beneficial to our
lives
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while
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 others are of the opinion that
this
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 isn't a good thing, and sticking to
one
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 routine is better. I would argue that
although
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 there are several merits of taking risks,
this
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 isn't always
the a
Choose an article
a
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 good thing. Some
people
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 believe that repetition is the key to better living.
This
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 way of thinking is understandable as
this
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 ensures the same result. Some say if the
outcome
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is already know
Change the verb form
is already known
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, it is pointless to try and do things differently, as
this
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 could lead to a worse result.
For instance
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, taking the same road to
work
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 ensures that
one
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 gets to
work
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 safely and on time.
However
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, if the person decides to take a different path to
work
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another days
Replace the adjective
another day
other days
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, the individual could get lost, thereby getting in late to
work
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.
Such
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 reasoning is only motivated by fear and without taking risks, life would only become mundane.
On the contrary
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, others
thinks
Change the verb form
think
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 that modifications in our daily
lives
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 always beneficial. Taking risks and embracing new challenges could be advantageous, as
this
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 could result in new discoveries and new experiences
one
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 could never have imagined.
For instance
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,
invention
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the invention
an invention
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 of cars and computers
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 only possible because some
people
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 were brave enough to face the unknown.
However
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, a negative
outcome
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 could be disastrous, resulting in a decline
of
Change preposition
in
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one
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's mental health and in some cases, even death. In conclusion, I believe that
while
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 there are several merits of embracing the new modifications in our
lives
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,
this
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 should always be considered as a good thing. A good
outcome
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 could be new inventions
while
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 a bad
outcome
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 could be loss of
lives
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.
People
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 should know the time to accept
change
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 and when to stick to daily routines.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas. Your essay needs a clearer logical structure with each paragraph smoothly transitioning to the next, which enhances readability and coherence. Try to use more cohesive devices to link your ideas and arguments.
coherence cohesion
Introduce the essay with a more focused thesis statement and ensure that there is a precise conclusion. Both these sections should clearly reflect your understanding and stand on the question, providing a summary of your arguments without introducing any new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences to start each paragraph which clearly state the main idea of that paragraph followed by supporting details and example. Avoid ambiguity in your position and make sure each paragraph is strongly focused on the central topic for that section.
task achievement
You have provided a response that attempts to address the prompt but needs a clearer focus to fully satisfy the task. Address the prompt directly and make sure to elaborate on your ideas with a balanced discussion that develops your argument in a clear, structured manner.
task achievement
Introduce each idea comprehensively and develop each point thoroughly before moving onto the next idea. Ensure ideas are elaborated upon with clear explanations, not just stated.
task achievement
Examples are key in providing evidence for your arguments but they must be relevant and specific to the question at hand. Try to use more focused examples that directly relate to the topic sentences and the arguments you are trying to present.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • status quo
  • comfort zone
  • predictability
  • mastery
  • innovation
  • adaptability
  • personal growth
  • resilience
  • hesitancy
  • risk-taking
  • transitions
  • enrichment
  • equilibrium
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