IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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The notion that children raised in less affluent families are better prepared for the challenges of adulthood compared to their wealthier counterparts is a complex and subjective claim.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 financial constraints can foster resilience, resourcefulness, and a strong work ethic in
individuals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 from economically disadvantaged backgrounds, it would be an oversimplification to assert that
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 challenges universally result in superior preparation for adult life. Children growing up in financially constrained households often witness firsthand the value of hard work, frugality, and perseverance. Navigating through limited resources can encourage creativity and problem-solving skills, as
individuals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 learn to make the most of what they have.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the experience of facing economic adversity may
instill
Change the spelling
instil

The spelling of instill is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 a sense of resilience, teaching
individuals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 how to bounce back from setbacks.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it would be unfair to discount the advantages that come with wealth. Affluent families can provide their children with access to quality education, extracurricular activities, and a broader range of opportunities. Exposure to diverse experiences and networks can be instrumental in shaping a well-rounded and adaptable individual. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 financial hardships can indeed equip
individuals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 with certain valuable qualities, it is essential to recognize that a range of factors
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute

It seems that the verb contributes does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 to a person's readiness for adult life. A nuanced perspective acknowledges the potential benefits of both financial struggles and privileges, emphasizing the importance of individual experiences and opportunities in shaping one's preparedness for the challenges of adulthood.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear argument with a logical structure that is easy to follow, and you have effectively included an introduction and a conclusion. To further improve, ensure each paragraph contains a single clear main point and try to link ideas across paragraphs more fluidly for coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed the task with a clear response showing understanding of the topic. However, your response would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate your points, and a clearer position throughout the essay could enhance task achievement. Work on presenting a more nuanced argument that maintains consistency in your viewpoint from introduction to conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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