IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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The notion that children raised in less affluent families are better prepared for the challenges of adulthood compared to their wealthier counterparts is a complex and subjective claim.
While
Linking Words
 financial constraints can foster resilience, resourcefulness, and a strong work ethic in
individuals
Use synonyms
 from economically disadvantaged backgrounds, it would be an oversimplification to assert that
such
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 challenges universally result in superior preparation for adult life. Children growing up in financially constrained households often witness firsthand the value of hard work, frugality, and perseverance. Navigating through limited resources can encourage creativity and problem-solving skills, as
individuals
Use synonyms
 learn to make the most of what they have.
Moreover
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, the experience of facing economic adversity may
instill
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instil
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 a sense of resilience, teaching
individuals
Use synonyms
 how to bounce back from setbacks.
On the other hand
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, it would be unfair to discount the advantages that come with wealth. Affluent families can provide their children with access to quality education, extracurricular activities, and a broader range of opportunities. Exposure to diverse experiences and networks can be instrumental in shaping a well-rounded and adaptable individual. In conclusion,
while
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 financial hardships can indeed equip
individuals
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 with certain valuable qualities, it is essential to recognize that a range of factors
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
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 to a person's readiness for adult life. A nuanced perspective acknowledges the potential benefits of both financial struggles and privileges, emphasizing the importance of individual experiences and opportunities in shaping one's preparedness for the challenges of adulthood.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear argument with a logical structure that is easy to follow, and you have effectively included an introduction and a conclusion. To further improve, ensure each paragraph contains a single clear main point and try to link ideas across paragraphs more fluidly for coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed the task with a clear response showing understanding of the topic. However, your response would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate your points, and a clearer position throughout the essay could enhance task achievement. Work on presenting a more nuanced argument that maintains consistency in your viewpoint from introduction to conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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