The given bar chart shows the proportion of three kind of visitors (born in Australia; new migrants born in English-speaking countries, and new migrants born in other countries) came to different places in Australia.
Overall
, Cinema
was by far the most popular place to visit Correct article usage
the Cinema
by
the three mentioned elements
Change preposition
of
To begin
with, cinema is considered the most popular place in Australia, with 70% and 65% people
born in Australia and new Change preposition
of people
migrants
born in English-speaking countries
show
interest. Wrong verb form
showing
In contrast
, only a small proportion of Australians went to the theatre regularly, at
around 20%, about three times less than that at the cinema. New Change preposition
apply
migrants
who were born in other countries
, tend to have the least interest in spending time at the theatre, which only has 10%.
In contrast
to the theatre, new migrants
from other countries
seemed to enjoy themselves at the library, approximately 55%. Meanwhile, the number of people who were born in Australia and new migrants
in English-speaking countries
interest in visiting the zoo was 41% and 50% respectively, much higher than the number of people who like visiting the zoo.Submitted by musa.nuwa on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words migrants, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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