The given bar chart shows the proportion of three kind of visitors (born in Australia; new migrants born in English-speaking countries, and new migrants born in other countries) came to different places in Australia.

#bar #proportion #three #visitors #australia #migrants #countries #places

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Overall

Linking Words

Cinema

Correct article usage

the Cinema

show examples

was by far the most popular place to visit

Change preposition

show examples

the three mentioned elements

To begin

Linking Words

with, cinema is considered the most popular place in Australia, with 70% and 65%

people

Change preposition

of people

show examples

born in Australia and new

migrants

Use synonyms

born in English-speaking

countries

Use synonyms

show

Wrong verb form

showing

show examples

interest.

In contrast

Linking Words

, only a small proportion of Australians went to the theatre regularly,

Change preposition

apply

show examples

around 20%, about three times less than that at the cinema. New

migrants

Use synonyms

who were born in other

countries

Use synonyms

, tend to have the least interest in spending time at the theatre, which only has 10%.

In contrast

Linking Words

to the theatre, new

migrants

Use synonyms

from other

countries

Use synonyms

seemed to enjoy themselves at the library, approximately 55%. Meanwhile, the number of people who were born in Australia and new

migrants

Use synonyms

in English-speaking

countries

Use synonyms

interest in visiting the zoo was 41% and 50% respectively, much higher than the number of people who like visiting the zoo.

Submitted by musa.nuwa on Tue Nov 28 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words migrants, countries with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.

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3
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

151 words

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The given bar chart shows the proportion of three kind of visitors (born in Australia; new migrants born in English-speaking countries, and new migrants born in other countries) came to different places in Australia.

In some countries, more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this question?

Some people argue that exams put too much pressure on university students, but others think that dealing with pressure is an essential skill to develop before people begin employment. Discuss both sides of the argument and present your opinion.

The media has become too influential in peoples lives today and this is a negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.