IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some People believe that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some
society
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societies
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 think that it is better for
kids
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to begin
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 learning a foreign
language
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 at primary
school
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 than secondary
school
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.
This
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 essay
believe
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believes
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 that learning
foreign
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a foreign
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language
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have
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has
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 big advantages that outweigh the drawbacks since
in
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apply
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the
age
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 of primary
school
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 would be helpful for
kids
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 to absorb the knowledge
To learn
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Learning
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 a new
language
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such
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 as
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
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language
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 is good for
kids
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 in order to broaden their communication
skill
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skills
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 for the future. As they reach primary
school
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 which is the first stage of their education and the closest time to their golden
age
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, it is essential for the
kids
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 to start
find
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finding
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 out about
other
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another language
other languages
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language
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beside
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besides
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 their mother tongue
language
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 since it will be easier for them to learn and understand the knowledge that they will get by the help of brain that can create good memories in a young
age
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.
Moreover
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, learning
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language
Add an article
a language
the language
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in
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at
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 a young
age
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 will be
such
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 a good opportunity for the children to have
quick
Add an article
a quick
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 start to build the
skill
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skills
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that
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is very
Verb problem
are
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 essential for the future when they have to deal with adult things.
On the other hand
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, there are people who have different
opinion
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opinions
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 about the good
age
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 for learning
foreign
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a foreign
show examples
language
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such
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 as they prefer children to learn in secondary
school
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. They believe that
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
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 pupils
in
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at
show examples
 a very young
age
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 will make them forget about their first
language
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 which is not a very strong point
whereas
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 the
kids
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 still can socialize with their friends and family using their original
language
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.
However
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, to teach another
language
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 to children
in
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at
show examples
 a very young
age
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 does not make them become the native
from
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of
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 its
language
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, but it is a method to introduce about other
language
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 that exists in
this
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 world and help them to broaden their skills.
To conclude
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,
to begin
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teach
Change the form of the verb
teaching
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 pupils in primary
school
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 about a foreign
language
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 have huge benefit for them to have
good
Correct article usage
a good
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introducing
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introduction
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with
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to
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language
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 and communication skills that would outweigh its drawbacks.

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structure
The essay structure needs to be more explicit with clear paragraphing. While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be improved to more effectively introduce the topic and summarise the main points. Consider using topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to clearly state the main idea.
development
Ensure all main points are fully developed and supported with specific examples or evidence. The essay makes broad claims but often lacks detailed examples to support the assertions, which weakens the task response.
linking
To improve cohesion, use a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task response
In terms of task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Give balanced consideration to both advantages and disadvantages, and assess them against each other to show that one outweighs the other.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Pronunciation
  • Fluency
  • Brain plasticity
  • Cultural awareness
  • Globalized world
  • Proficiency
  • Educational opportunities
  • Motivation
  • Resource constraints
  • Specialized teachers
  • Academic pressure
  • Parental involvement
  • Curriculum balance
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