IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is it a negative or positive development? Give your explanation using some relevant examples from your experience.

#parents #pressure #children #reason #development #explanation
The stress of achievement
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 being given to the young generation by their birthgivers. The tension of the achievements can impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
students
good
Change preposition
with good
show examples
 or bad
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
.
However
, the burden of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
progress
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
having
Verb problem
causing
show examples
 problems
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people. Anxiety
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 failure and feeling of sickness.
This
 essay will elaborate
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both views in the following paragraphs. A large number of
parents
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 stressed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their children
due to
success
.
Therefore
, many
students
 have not gotten
success
 in their lives because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they feel trouble. The past goals of the
parents
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
couldn't
achieve
Wrong verb form
be achieved
show examples
 so they try to employ the same dream in their children which
leading
Change the form of the verb
leads
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confusion for the
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
. To illustrate, in my country
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
students
are not follow
Change the verb form
do not follow
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their dreams and
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
panic
to follow
Change preposition
about following
show examples
 their
parent's
Change noun form
parents'
show examples
 professions.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the educational
pressure
 is given by guardians to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in studies. They want to get good marks in their subjects to maintain their ranking in institutions so the kid feels burdening themselves.
Furthermore
, the social
pressure
 of the
parents
 is a big cause
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 caring the world
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how they perceive
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their children so that
parents
 can ignore
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the true talents of their kids. In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 competitive environment, many
students
 cannot flourish their talents and follow
dreams
Correct pronoun usage
their dreams
show examples
.
In addition
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parental
pressure
 has
also
 affected
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health. Creating too much stress on a child can lead to mental
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
show examples
such
 as depression and isolation. As a student constantly
seek
Correct subject-verb agreement
seeks
show examples
 approval
will be given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
his parents
her parents
show examples
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
he will begin to doubt their abilities, which will gradually lead to fear and panic.
Consequently
, they cannot share you with problems regarding health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. In a nutshell, the stress of
getting
Verb problem
achieving
show examples
success
 is a good way to motivate
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their young ones but
this
 may lead negative impact on their health. In my opinion,
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of the
pressure
 of
success
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outweigh than advantages because it creates problems mentally and emotionally.
The parental
Correct article usage
Parental
show examples
pressure
 should be avoided on kids so they can carry their goals.
Submitted by mobinadurrani43 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and concise structure, which is essential for the reader to understand your argument. Your introduction should set the stage for the following discussion, and your conclusion should summarize your points and reflect back on the question. Try to use clear paragraphs with topic sentences to improve the logical flow of your argument.
task achievement
In terms of task response, your essay does not fully address the prompt. The prompt asks for the reason behind parental pressure and whether it is a negative or positive development. Your response should include specific reasons for parental pressure and a clear discussion of whether you see it as negative or positive, supported by examples. Aim to directly address all parts of the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prosperous future
  • highly competitive
  • extracurricular activities
  • social comparison
  • compelled
  • societal judgement
  • instill discipline
  • work ethic
  • responsibility
  • anxiety
  • diminished self-esteem
  • loss of interest
  • alienated
  • strained relationships
  • rebel
  • burnout
  • hinder
  • well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: