More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

Health
ia
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is
Wealth. Nowadays, It is being seen that, in many advanced
nation
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nations
show examples
kids are becoming
heavy
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heavier
show examples
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
before
this
is a significant matter for a rich country. I think unaware of
heath
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health
show examples
issues and the governments have to invest a lot of money for
this
reasons. In the following
eassy
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essay
, will elaborate
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
the reasons and the impacts. To
conspicious
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conspicuous
that,
todays
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today's
young
genaration
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generation
generations
are less
health
conscious. They do not abide by a healthy diet routine
moreover
, they do not perform any type of physical exercise.
For instance
, kids are fond of indoor games like
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, video games, computer games and so on.
Moreover
, they prefer technological
entertainments
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entertainment
show examples
then
outdoor activities.
This
,
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apply
show examples
influences
on
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apply
show examples
their physical
health
also
, they suffer from various
disease
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diseases
show examples
such
as
,
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apply
show examples
diabates
Correct your spelling
diabetes
, heart diseases and joint problems.
secondly
, Economic impact
due to
increased
health care
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healthcare
show examples
cost
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costs
show examples
and decreased productivity. More and more child needs medical treatment
this days
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
which
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
a lot of money
furthermore
, youngsters become lazy
hence
, they are less productive. At that place, they are doing their regular routine
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
and do not think
any thing
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anything
show examples
out of their
scheadule
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schedule
.
Consicuently
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Consequently
Consistently
. preventing education towards children and encouraging active
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. In conclusion, Kids have to hold the steer in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
future for the nation. So,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
early age if they become unhealthy it has a huge bad impression
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
a country.
Farther
Rephrase
Furthermore
show examples
, the government have to spend a lot of amount
for
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on
show examples
madic
Correct your spelling
magic
medical
purpose.
Submitted by tanjimrafel6 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure with cohesive linking between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Present and elaborate on main points, making sure each paragraph contains one clear main idea with supporting sentences.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that all your ideas are relevant to the question.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your points, making them from credible sources or personal experience when relevant.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas thoroughly so that the examiner can clearly understand the points you're trying to make.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
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