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Writing Samples
Band 5

Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

#celebrity #film #star #sports #personality
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To be a well-known
person
,
such
 as a popular movie star or sports celebrity can be both problematic and beneficial.
Although
 stars make a lot of money and have power, I believe that
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 a famous
person
 brings more disadvantages than benefits simply because it affects mental health and stars lack privacy. To be a famous
person
 is extremely stressful and it causes some serious mental issues. Celebrities like singers and actors are often under pressure because of the high standards the world places on them. They spend hours and weeks improving their skills to perform in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 best possible way. Often, they feel that they don’t have any chance of failing
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads them to some mental disorders like anxiety syndrome or depression.
For example
, the famous actor Rob Williams committed suicide and
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
 for that was
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
depression. Another drawback is that popular individuals have little or no private
life
. Private
life
 is a fundamental part of people’s
life
. Usually, famous people lack privacy simply because paparazzi or some fans disturb them too much. Fans tend to do various dangerous actions that
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 stars stress.
For example
,
according to
 a news report, a fan of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous singer Rihanna waited
her
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
near the trash cans and after a
while
 he stole
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
Rihanna’s trash bag. He did it because he hoped to find some personal valuable Rihanna’s belongings. In conclusion, being a popular
person
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more drawbacks
such
 as dealing with mental health problems and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of personal
life
.
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Improve the range and accuracy of grammatical structures and vocabulary used for more clarity in expressing ideas and arguments.
task achievement
Develop the main points further with more detailed explanations, additional arguments, or evidence to fully satisfy the task requirements.
task achievement
Make sure to provide a balanced argument by addressing both sides of the issue consistently throughout the essay, aligning with the thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic competence.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public scrutiny
  • Intrusive
  • Endorsements
  • Sponsorships
  • Financial security
  • High-profile collaborations
  • Social influence
  • Philanthropic efforts
  • Trust issues
  • Mental health challenges
  • Substance abuse
  • Pressures of celebrity
  • Expectations
  • Disconnect from reality
  • Normalcy
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