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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that they should not go to school until they are older. Discuss both these views anf give your opinion.

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While
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 some people believe that schooling should begin at an early
age
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,
othes
Correct your spelling
others
 claim that children should learn when they become older. In my opinion, I strongly agree that they should start their learning process
in
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at
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their
Change the word
a
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 young
age
Use synonyms
 because they can absorb information quickly and develop multiple skills by learning.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and my opinion in detail. On the one hand, when they are young they have fresh
brain
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brains
show examples
 so they have more room to process information.
That is
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 to say that, kids naturally get things
quickly
Correct quantifier usage
more quickly
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 than adults because their cognitive memory works much better
in
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at
show examples
their
Change the word
an
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 early
age
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, they
also
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 quickly adapt to the academic atmosphere and begin to utilise their brain capabilities to remember information.
For instance
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, a recent study found that
the
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apply
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memory stability is significantly higher for young ones than
teenagers
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for teenagers
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, they know to get on well with other students in school from their childhood and learn moral values
such
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 as sharing and tolerance which are significantly important to be a good member of society.
On the other hand
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, many people think it's better to study when they become older.
In other words
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, parents do not want their kids to undergo
stresses
Correct article usage
the stresses
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 of education at an early
age
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. They wanted their offspring to enjoy their time before they
are
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were
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 pushed
in to
Join the words
into
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 the academic culture and
make
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made
show examples
 them suffer
by
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with
show examples
 more
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
 and assignments.
Moreover
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, it might cause depression and a sense of losing
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
interest in studies. Those are the reasons why they prefer schooling at an older
age
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.
For example
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, a recent study shows that an average of 40% of school
drop outs
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dropouts
show examples
 are
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational pressure since the beginning. In conclusion,
although
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 some folks argue that a child can start education when they grow older, I believe learning at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
 has potential benefits considering the brain development of a child and other significant skills
such
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 as social and moral values learnt by them.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction sets a clear framework for the discussion which is to occur within the body paragraphs, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points without introducing new ideas.
logical structure
Improve logical structure by creating more coherent paragraphing with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and maintaining consistency in ideas throughout.
supported main points
Develop main points using more detailed and specific examples, as well as expanding on the reasons behind the opinions given, to support arguments more robustly.
complete response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion on both views presented and including a clear personal opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Increase the clarity of ideas by clearly defining terms and statements and ensuring that arguments are comprehensive and follow a logical flow.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant and specific examples to substantiate the points made. Avoid overgeneralizing and strive to provide concrete evidence for your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social interactions
  • educational foundation
  • structured learning
  • emotional and psychological readiness
  • effective learning
  • cost-effective
  • childcare centers
  • explore their interests
  • creativity
  • love of learning
  • parental burden
  • economic considerations
  • childhood freedom
  • natural learning
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