IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

‘Tourism is always a force for good which enables people of different countries to understand each other.’ To what extent do you agree with this idea?

#‘tourism #force #people #countries #idea
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The role of globetrotting in the world today is widely debated, with some
people
 claiming that it gives a chance for international understanding.
However
, I personally do not accept
this
 opinion, and I will explain why in the following essay. On the one hand, overseas travel nowadays usually follows a strict schedule. Tourism companies set up all famous attractions that the guests will visit, even with the meal during the trip, they book a restaurant before and visitors will hardly have a break time to talk to local
people
.
For instance
, Japanese tourists always have a fixed table time before their holiday event
while
 there are too many well-known places in
this
 country, and even souvenirs have been prepared for each person.
This
 is mainly because having a firm tour is more money-saving than going by themselves.
Consequently
, it is impossible to figure out the native with the short day.
On the other hand
,
according to
 some individuals, there are opportunities for sightseers to get acquainted with dwellers.
This
 is because
people
 cannot have a trip without chatting with restaurant staff or shopkeepers in the place.
Nevertheless
, I believe that
this
 explanation cannot outweigh the idea that I mentioned above,
while
 in
this
 day and age, communication platforms are extremely developed.
For example
, Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat.
As a result
, voyagers would not splurge their money on
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 just to contact different citizens, they can just use their mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 to do so. In conclusion, even though voyagers may open windows for understanding
people
 whose backgrounds are different from yours, I disagree with
this
 idea because, during a short-term vacation, it is not easy to have a deeper knowledge about residents
as well as
 the development of social media enables inhabitants to be close each other without going abroad.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, your essay should have a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should present a main idea, followed by supporting statements that reinforce your arguments. Connecting words and phrases should be used to show the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement and conclude with a summary that accurately reflects the main points discussed. Ensure there's consistency between your introduction and conclusion to maintain logical progression and cohesion throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant, elaborated examples or explanations to provide strength to your arguments. Avoid making general statements without sufficient support.
task achievement
To meet the task response criteria, ensure you address all parts of the prompt. Develop your points fully to provide a complete, rounded response to the question. Clarify your position clearly and maintain it throughout.
task achievement
Present ideas clearly and comprehensively, avoiding overgeneralization or vagueness. Your arguments should be easy to follow and show a deep understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to back up your claims. Generic statements should be supported by concrete, contextually appropriate evidence or reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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